Quiet Time

I don't know if anyone really read this anymore but today I need to write. Call it an outlet for my thoughts and emotions I guess. I'm going to just keep typing.....no backspacing, no editing, just raw and just me.

Last night for the first time in a long time I prayed. Not like the praying we sometimes do in our head while we are driving or sitting with thoughts or hopes in our heads, but like actual praying.

I put my two hands together, closed my eyes, and talked to God.

Before you get scared off reading this (for whoever actually is reading this out there in the world), I'm not some super religious person at all.This is not a post about finding God or anything like that. If anything it's more spiritual. Yes its true I was born and raised as a Catholic girl. My parents put me in Catholic schools, and my Mom would take us to church occasionally on Sundays - although I don't think she took us for the church factor so much as that she just wanted to find a solution to my hell raiser brothers and the problems they were causing in our family. Nonetheless, I don't think any of that did end up helping much. As for me, as I grew up I developed my own beliefs. I find that I take a bit here and there from a few religions and have sort of developed my own beliefs and ways of thinking.

But one thing I can say is that I do believe in God, a higher power - and last night I felt the need to reach out, whether there was belief or not. And so I prayed, and it felt right to do so.

Have you ever been in a place sometimes where you feel lost or answer-less, or almost like whatever was guiding you has left the building, or at least gone on some temporary vacation? That's how Ive been feeling lately. Its nothing emo, it's definitely not about self-pity. It's just me needing someone to listen, and someone to tell me what I'm supposed to do. I am normally a person who knows exactly what I want and has no problem getting motivated to go and get it. I don't lack confidence, or strength. I lack direction right now, I think. Wouldn't it be nice to have one of those directional street signs that tell you what to do or which path to choose whether its about love, finances, career, pursuits? I think I need one right now.

Many books, documentaries even, will tell you to pay attention to the universe and the clues that it will send you from time to time, and that even you miss one of these guiding clues, don't worry because the universe will send you another one.

Well.....I've been trying to listen to the universe and see what's being put in front of me, and to try make sense of it all. So then I go with it, but it seems to be it has led me into a dead end. I get that obstacles will always be a part of life, and I'm certainly not afraid of them....but what do you do when all you seem to get are just the obstacles? Keep on trying I guess, and keep on looking for answers and signs, and not give up.

In the last five years I'd say I have been so much more in tune with who I am, what I want, and what I value in life. I am aware of the beauty in my life. I am so grateful for opportunities, experiences, and life in general.

So why have I been feeling so lost? This isn't like me at all.

So I prayed. I prayed for guidance. I prayed for support. I prayed for answers. I prayed for the continuous strength and love to get me through it all. I need to know what to do.

I am trying to follow my heart and in doing so I have this plan next month where I will be taking a huge leap of faith into something because if I don't then I will never know. I am hoping that this leap of faith and this risk on a chance for something so huge and important to me will ignite all the dreams, passions, and pursuits in me that need to brought forth and aligned for me so that I will be on the right path that I am supposed to be on, and that all my questions will be answered and everything will become so much more clearer..............because my vision isn't as clear as it should be right now.

So I will pray. Both hands. Eyes closed. But maybe one eye open just so that I can make sure I don't miss the signs of whats in front of me.

AK Has 5 Minutes Of Fame

First things first, to my loyal readers I apologize for the month or so delay of writing. Things got a bit busy, and although writing every Sunday as an excellent way of keeping me dedicated to my blog, I also found that it was becoming a bit of a chore because it started to feel a bit forced when I couldn't think of what to blog about. So my new way of blogging now will be to blog whenever I feel inspired to do so. That way it will be as real as it gets! So......onto my thoughts for today......

Today while I was out on my run with the incredibly hot summer sun beating down on me, and the sweet smells and visions of summer, it got me thinking about happiness. Now hot weather, and summer time always do that to me - it always makes me happier. I mean, whats not to love about the summertime? People generally are happier, people are out and about doing things they love to do with family and friends, and the days are longer. Sunshine is the cure for everything, I swear. So it got me feeling happy, it got me thinking about happiness, and it got me thinking about what makes other people happy. I started thinking about times where I wasn't happy, times where I could have been happier, and times where I sacrificed happiness for other things as so many people these days tend to do. I thought about how many people tend to choose money over happiness, and how people also seem to somehow forget along the way what they truly value and what makes them happy both in life(in general) and in love.
Since I was a teenager and first started dating compared to my age now I have learned a lot about the things I don't want in a relationship, and things that I do want. Some of those things have also altered over the years, and some things have changed value incredibly. This I believe comes with dating experience and age.
I think its quite easy for most of us both men and female to sit there and say what we want out of a relationship with a special someone. It's very easy to state the obvious, whether these qualities have just been something fed to us over the years or drilled into our minds of what we should want versus what we actually do want, or whether it's a carefully thought out list of qualities we have discovered in time.
If I am being honest with myself here, I will say that the qualities I look for in someone have pretty much stayed the same over the years, however some things have become more apparent and also taken priority over other qualities. This is something I have realized over the past couple months. 
Now I have always known I felt this way and believed in these certain qualities and looked for them, but sometimes in life we need to take a minute to step back, evaluate, realize, recognize and truly appreciate it when we see it........and most importantly, to NOT forget the feeling it gives you or the importance of which it is that adds value to your life and a smile to your day.
I could sit here and compose a list of qualities I look for in a boyfriend/husband. Some of them would have you thinking "Well duh! Of course! Who doesn't want someone who's respectful, sweet, caring, loyal, smart?". Although I do have a list of things I look for in someone (as we all do), there are two things that became really apparent to me recently, and particularly today as I was thinking about it on my run.
The first thing ; someone who makes me laugh. I mean truly makes me laugh. When was the last time you dated someone whom you could just laugh with about anything and everything and all the stupid little silly things in between? Laughter and the beauty of sharing laughter with someone is not something that should be overlooked. It is the essence of life and communication and building long lasting relationships. It's the great part of life that takes us away momentarily from the really crappy or dull parts of life. Ive always loved being with someone who makes me laugh,  but perhaps I had taken for granted just how amazingly awesome it really is when you find someone like that. If you aren't able to lay back and laugh hard with them, then you are missing out my friend.
The second thing ; someone who inspires me in any aspect of my life. What is better than the feeling inside of being inspired by someone or the feeling inside of knowing you inspired someone? Simply put, I think it's a very beautiful thing. If you stop for a minute and think of all the mental or emotional steps it takes one to become so inspired to actually do something with it, and to take that thought and turn it into an action? It's absolutely incredible. I have realized recently that when it comes to relationships it's really important to find someone who can find inspiration either in themselves or with you, to find someone who is motivated, who isn't stagnant but rather colorful, dynamic, moving.........anything but still. As long as there is movement, there will always be growth, change, and possibilities. I think it's so important to have that in a relationship because when one person is down, feeling low or in a dark place, then the other has the ability to take them in their arms, tilt their chin up and show them the sunshine. It's about balance and being able to complement each others personalities. I always knew how important this all was but I somehow forgot just how much I really loved and appreciated that until I started experiencing it again myself.
Being with someone who makes you laugh, who inspires you, whom you can share the joy in each others passions with, and whom you can hopefully inspire is such a beautiful thing, a rare thing, and just a few of what I believe to be the key components to a happy long-lasting relationship. If you are so lucky to have that or to find it, make sure you never take that for granted. Yes it's true when they say it's all about the little things, but really.......the little things aren't so little at all. In fact, they are huge.

Invitation To Love

Invitation To Love

Come when the nights are bright with stars

Or come when the moon is mellow;

Come when the sun his golden bars

Drops on the hay-field yellow.

Come in the twilight soft and gray,

Come in the night or come in the day,

Come, O love, whene'er you may,

And you are welcome, welcome.

You are sweet, O Love, dear Love,

You are soft as the nesting dove.

Come to my heart and bring it to rest

As the bird flies home to its welcome nest.

Come when my heart is full of grieft

Or when my heart is merry;

Come with the falling of the leaf

Or with the redd'ning cherry.

Come when the summer gleams and glows,

Come with the winter's drifting snows,

And you are welcome, welcome

~ Paul Laurence Dunbar

S Is For Spontaneous

Being spontaneous means to live in the present moment, to act or engage in a plan without fear, to get an idea and just go with it! Now I can't say that I am always spontaneous, however from time to time I most definitely love being spontaneous by just doing something totally random, unexpected even, and not really over thinking things but rather just going with the flow.
So I did just that this past week. It was completely random and I decided to go on a mini road trip with a friend of mine. We didn't go too far as I had to work the following day but we still totally ventured out to new territory.
As I said, it was a totally random decision. I literally opened my eyes while still laying in bed and thought to myself  'I need to get in my car, and hit the open road outta here'. So after a phone conversation, we headed out together about a couple hours outside of Calgary. Now that's not what was so much spontaneous as this next quick decision we made. So we're visiting this small city, being tourists, checking out random things, kickin' it around town, having good laughs, conversation, and the whole thing. We stopped in at this super old looking saloon. An actual saloon! This thing looked like it had been there since the early 1900s! Upon rolling up in there and parking our seats at the old wooden bar to order two frosty cold beers, we made ourselves quite at home chatting with the bartender there. She was a sweet old woman, but not the type to be taken lightly as being a door mat for bullshit or bad attitudes, no, you could tell she knew how to run that bar. She was telling us stories of the saloon, how old it is, and how it's rumored to be haunted. She explained some stories or experiences of her own, and that only intrigued us more. As we listened eagerly to each word, she suggested we check out this town called Wayne. She told us how it is one of Alberta's most popular ghost towns, and about how historic it was, and stories of the ghosts and hauntings within.
Now at this point, after being on an already spontaneous whim of this last minute road trip getaway, and not to mention the fact that we stopped off at this giant t-rex statue where we climbed to the top and threw a lucky penny off where we made a wish, and on top of randomly finding this saloon and stopping in for a small town beer, we decided to go to the next town of Wayne and get our ghost town on! So in the car we went! On the drive there I did a quick little Google research on my phone and discovered a bit of pretty cool historical information. I found out the Rosedale Hotel and Last Chance Saloon had been there since 1912, the current population of the town is 33 aaaaaand the hotel and saloon are both haunted and have quite the history behind it. The third floor of the hotel is forbidden basically and they don't go up there or even rent out rooms to anyone there because it is said to be haunted by a ghost. The third floor housed some horrible events back then, involving Ku Klux Klan, and even tortures where people were beaten, tarred, and feathered - I know, pretty creepy right? But intriguing for me at the same time. I was super curious and almost fascinated to learn more. Funny how when I was younger and in school I had no interest in history really, and now? Well now stuff like this is interesting to me, hearing everyone's stories, knowing who was here before me, listening to peoples life stories and how places became what they are today.....it's pretty interesting I must say.
So anyways after driving over multiple weird little bridges, creepy small town-ness in the middle of nowhere, we arrived at the Last Chance Saloon and Rosedale Hotel, and stopped in for good old greasy diner-style appies, beers, and even bought souvenier shirts repping the Last Chance Saloon to remind us of our super awesome, and totally random day!
We were lucky enough to have the owner sit down with us, give us a history lesson of the town of Wayne, explain all the nostalgic memorabilia laden on the walls (including the actual original bullet holes in the wall that were out there by the original owner of the saloon back in 1912 - he shot his revolver at patrons who tried to duck out on paying their bill) . She also gave us a mini tour of the hotel rooms there ( there weren't many, maybe 10 tops). I asked about seeing the third floor and naturally she said no and that no one goes up there. The allure and curiosity of that made me want to see it even more! Yes I know I'm crazy. But after a great afternoon of touring the place, getting a history lesson and basically taking it back in time for a day, hours away from our homes in the city, we felt almost rejuvenated in an odd sort of way. Part of it was the fresh air, being on the open road, and just all the awesomeness of friends getting together for a road trip, laughing, talking, connecting and all, and part of it was the super cool experience of doing something new and different, but mostly it was really and truly just the root of it all - the root and purpose of spontaneity. We didn't plan it, we both just woke up, made immediate decisions, went on a whim, had an absolutely amazing and unforgettable day making the best of memories. The reason I love spontaneous times like these is because one never has the feeling of waiting or getting impatient anticipating a predetermined plan. You don't get the chance to be impatient if eager - you just get to experience the fun and beauty of making an immediate decision not knowing the next step or plan.......and those can be some of the most greatest times of your life, making the most wonderful of memories.

Motors Get My Motor Running

Today I have a lot of things of my mind. Many things I could write about for pages on end. But I don't know if I'm in the right frame of mind to be voicing my opinions and thoughts just yet. Lately there have been a quite a few things on my mind, quite a few things leaving me puzzled, and quite a few upsetting things. But I think instead of writing about those things, I will write about something totally different in the vain hope that it takes over all the other shitty little things in my mind, and that it all just transcends into this beautiful and uplifting realm of happiness. How many times did I just say "things" ? Geez Amanda......
Anyhow, soooooo I'm super excited to be doing something that I have wanted to do for a very long time! To learn how to ride a motorcycle! So cool, right? I'm signing up for lessons this week FINALLY and I couldn't be more thrilled! ( how's that for writing about something totally different?) I have wanted to ride a motorcycle since the first time I saw my brother Raymond on his moped way back in the 90s! Seriously, that's where it all started! Then when I got my very first taste of driving (a car) I liked it, a lot. And being in our family, I swear it's in our blood, the whole car loving thing. Perhaps if I didn't grow up with three brothers and my Dad I wouldn't have been into cars or anything boyish but that's not the case at all. Fast forward years ahead and I'm on my third car and absolutely live to drive (and speed) . No I don't drive like an idiot, I promise, but I would be lying if I said I didn't like going fast or being one with the road.
Now driving my cars is something I've always enjoyed. In fact I enjoy all aspects - I enjoy learning about how to fix certain things, I enjoy even just learning about the general mechanics of a car, and I really enjoy the time spent washing, waxing, polishing my car top to bottom, inside and out ( my neighbours must think I'm crazy when I'm out there every second day in the summer shining up my ride) And what's even more hilarious about our family (aside from my Mom) is that we all have our OWN car cleaning stash/crate, and if ANYONE is seen rummaging through one another's car cleaning supplies, we pretty much freak out and ask them what the hell do they think we're doing? It's actually making me laugh out loud as I type this. We're so nuts. Oh and Sundays? I've deemed Sundays as ' Car Day' ....well in the warm weather seasons of course. Doesn't meant I spend alllllll day maintaining/cleaning my car, but a good chunk of time is spent doing that, not gonna lie. However, now I blog every Sunday, and I run every single Sunday so a little shifting around of the schedule will be necessary but never ignored.
Anyways the point of this post isn't even supposed to be about cars, but if felt the need to give you a little background on just how car crazy I can get, for a female, ha ha ha! So I'm sure you can see how this ties into the desire to learn to ride a motorcycle. Simply put, it's fast, sexy, has a motor, and would be a perfect addition to my little world of wheels. Also to note, my youngest brother Robert is on board too and wants his bike license! So we are going to take it together.
I couldn't even tell you exactly what it is about the whole bike thing and need to drive it but if I had to guess I think it's the fact that it's totally wide open, the road and I, two wheels, and just a totally different feeling than being inside a car.
Some people say it's a great idea to ride a motorcycle, some people say the opposite. Yes there is risk in riding, but there is risk in everything. One thing I've come to the realization of is that being too scared to do something is only going to limit you, and if we spend our lives being too scared to do anything then we just might miss out on so many great things! So instead of taking the easy way out and being too scared, I'm gonna look it straight in the face, get on that bike and damn well learn how to ride it! Then after that point I'm pretty sure I'll know exactly if motorcycle riding is for me me or not. I just have this vision....the open road, all black crotch rocket style bike, leathers head to toe and my long hair blowing in the wind under my helmet, road trips down the coast of California.... ahhhh yes.
Really though, I'm just so excited, so thrilled. I know I'll have to be really careful but that's part of the excitement of it all, isn't it? The thrill of the ride? That badass, fast feel? I cannot wait.
Stay tuned for updates on that one in the month to come.....also know as May, my birthday month (eek! Turning 31!)

Randomness At It's Finest : An Interview With My Not-So-Little Bro

Sometimes my blog posts are deep. Sometimes they're inspiring and enlightening, and educational. Sometimes they're just beefs or ranting. And sometimes they're just entertaining and funny randomness! Thus the spawning of today's post....today I bring you an 'interview' of random questions I decided to ask my brother. I had to lure him in with some cold beers in order to get his time, but nonetheless he obliged. There's really no rhyme or reason, but rather I'm not sure what to write about today and I've always thought that reading funny questionnaires or interviews make me laugh! And Robert, my youngest brother at twenty-six years old is the one I've decided to corner today to give me some material! Hope you somewhat enjoy a good carefree mindless laugh at it - I know I sure did! Enjoy!

" Hey Robert! How's that beer tasting? Ready to be asked the questions?"
*takes a swig of beer* " Yep! Ask away!"
....and it begins.........

1) What was your favourite childhood memory?
Going to the park after school and playing with friends.

2) If you could be invisible, where would you go and what would you do?
   Break into an Audi dealership and steal my R8 and go rip down the highway.

3) What would you do if you won the lottery?
    Go traveling , specifically Guyana, buy an endless supply of rum, and do some investing.

4) What's your favorite alcoholic drink?
     El Dorado

5) What's the longest you've gone without sleep?
    Just shy of 48 hours

6) If you could ask your future self one question what would it be?
    How many guns will I have before I stopped buying guns?

7) What would be your dream sandwich?
    Gettin' some sandwich action!(not by guys)

8)  What was your biggest fear as a kid?
  Chucky from 'Child's Play' and Zeebo The Clown from 'Are You Afraid Of The Dark?'

9) What irritates you the most?
   Crying babies and disobedient kids.

10) What's the stupidest thing you've ever done?
Thinking I could punch my fist through a two-by-six that was supported by a four-by-four support beam for a deck (this was after drinking a two six, half a case of beer, shots and hours in the sun tanning and on an empty stomach)

11) If you could travel anywhere in the world to a place you haven't yet been, where would it be?
   Brazil


12) You just found a genie lamp! Quick! What are your 3 wishes?!
   Unending supply of money,  live in Guyana, and have my own empire in Guyana


13) What is the definition of total and complete happiness/bliss to you?
Being stranded on a tropical island with no means of rescue whatsoever only to stumble upon a massive underground storage filled with lots of pirate rum and food and lay on the beach drinking rum, soaking up sun rays. Id also want an old antique pirate ship made of wood so if I wanted I could sail anywhere and live off pirate land like Jack Sparrow.


14) What was your favorite Halloween costume and why?
When I dressed up like a woman and you (me) helped do my makeup and get me all woman-like! Hahaha, I friggin' looked like Michael Jackson!

Logic VS. Gut

One thing I love about blogging is how easily I can be inspired for a topic at the most random of times or events. Just yesterday while sitting in a mall food court enjoying some delicious pad Thai and people watching, I became inspired for a topic involving the people and interactions that I was witnessing. I thought to myself  "okay this is what I'm going to write about tomorrow for sure!"

But then....fast forward later into the evening and I found myself over at our family next door neighbor's house who's a great friend of ours, enjoying a fun little Saturday night get together. Some of my family, some of his family, basically all one awesome family and all awesome friends.

It was such a fun evening filled with good food, drinks, belly-splitting laughs, and great conversation!

We're honestly just so lucky to have a neighbor like Charles, one who welcomes us into his home just as if we were family, has no judgement or fakeness and is an absolute blast to be around and tell stories with. Most people never even get to know their neighbors names nowadays! So the fact that Charles had invited us over to meet one of his brothers who had just flown in from Newfoundland to visit, and to meet some of his old time friends was really quite an honor, if I may put it that way.

I personally have always believed that whenever one meets anothers family member, whether it's on a friend basis, a professional basis or a romantically involved relationship, that person has chosen to let down one of their walls for you to welcome you into a more personal part of their life. It means they actually see value in you and the relationship that you share. To me, that's just beautiful.

So getting to my point, amongst all the great conversation through the night, I engaged in one in particular that inspired this post today. It was something so simple, so uncomplicated and so pure that it almost made me want to slap myself in the head for not paying more attention to this in my real life. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized just how true it was, and how sometimes in life we need that person to take us out of this crazy world for a minute and remind us how to listen to that natural voice inside us. And so I dedicate this post to the Lee brothers, and to Bruce specifically for making me tune in just a little bit more to my own heart.

Bruce and I started talking about relationships and the dating world today. People tend to be a bit surprised when I tell them I'm single and that I have in fact been for quite some time. I'm a long term relationship kinda gal, and after any end of a relationship I personally feel the need to take time to distance myself from that ended past relationship, have my own time to regenerate and renew, and then only from there will I feel ready to open myself up to the possibility of something new in my life with someone I care about. There are many different important factors that make up a relationship, a thriving and meaningful relationship, and everyone has their own 'check list' of things they need or want in one. Some things on that list can be overlooked and aren't really necessary, and some things are absolute. Basically we all know what we will and will not stand for and we all know what we want in a relationship. I like to think this comes with age and experience (at least from my experience) - the more dating experiences both good and bad that you've had in a lifetime will only further sharpen your precision on what exactly you like and do not like. We're all different and unique that way, and that's what draws one person to another, that's how levels of compatibility are formed.

This makes us selective with our choices because we don't want to waste our time, or the other persons time. There is truly something to be said about people who take their time finding that person and not just dating someone just to have a boyfriend or girlfriend. I think so many people stay together for the wrong reasons, and on that same note so many people avoid being together for even MORE wrong reasons. And why? Well if you really dig to the root of it all, it usually comes down to society in the sense of being worried what other people will think. Sure there are those one off valid reasons, but I think the logic of it all is sometimes rather poisonous.

See Bruce was explaining to me about logic versus your gut, or your heart. So the question is which one do we listen to? Or which one should we listen to? In some scenarios, I'd say logic, but when it comes to love and relationships, why aren't we all listening more to our hearts or our gut feeling rather than our brains? The brain is mean I decipher things, be analytical,  provide equations and send messages on how we should feel. So then I ask you, how does the brain know what we should feel? Those thoughts must have been out there somehow, the brain was was not pre-programmed upon birth. It was and is society that puts these certain thoughts into our heads. It's the logic that has been formed to make us think something is right or wrong for us. But what about the oldest most purest form , the most natural form - how we feel inside?  It's so easy to silence that gut feeling whether it may be a good feeling or a really bad feeling,so we do it anyways because that's the logical answer, and apparently the logical answer is always the right one.

Well I totally disagree.

Bruce told me a story about how he was in a relationship for something like 15 years but had never truly had that feeling like he wanted to marry this woman. He couldn't figure out why really but logically he felt he should stay. Then eventually the relationship ended and he met a wonderful woman whom only after knowing for a short while knew he wanted to be with and marry. He explained how the logic was trying to get in the way - he had everyone telling him he shouldn't marry her for different silly reasons, and it would have been so easy to just listen to the logic of it, but instead he chose to listen to his heart and married her. His gut feeling was telling him this was right, but the logic was slightly saying different. He ignore the logic and is so happy he did, and he is in a happy and loving relationship with his best friend, his beautiful wife. So Bruce gave me his advice, I'm its sweetest most simplest form - listen to my gut feeling, not the logic. It was my Mr Miyagi moment with Bruce Lee (yes that's his name :)  ) and so I had to share it with the world.

This story made me wonder and clue in to just how many times I may have been listening to much to my logical side when I should have probably should have just silenced that voice a bit and given my gut instinct the benefit of the doubt. So before I left at the end of the night, which ended at 4am, as my parting gift of wisdom from him, he said "Remember Amanda...." and points to his stomach and smiles, then point to his head, frowns and shakes his head to say 'no'.  Sweetest advice ever. To all the Lee brothers of the Charlie clan, especially Bruce and Charlie, thank you for being just awesome!

More Isn't Always Better

Being born and raised in Calgary, Alberta, I tend to come across times in my days where I'm forced to take a step back and just shake my head at all the money obsessed people that are out there. In the world of business, finances, and living in one of the biggest oil and gas locations in the world I notice that more times than not, people are totally and completely driven by money and money alone.
Now don't get me wrong, I do understand that in order to make it in an expensive city, you do need to make enough income to support yourself or family, but what I don't understand is how any amount of money that one makes is never enough. A lot of people measure their success in life by the earnings they make, by the number value sitting in that bank account, and by the material items and possessions they own that are in direct correlation with their income.....or so it seems that way.
I am someone who completely understands that one may need a certain amount of money in order to achieve these personal goals they have, regardless of what they may be. And I guess that's the question right there, what ARE the goals? Is it to have enough money to send your children to a good university after high school? Is it to buy that dream house you've always wanted? Is it to support other family members such as your parents who can't afford to take good care of themselves anymore? If it's goals like that, or just items you've been wanting or dreaming of for years but can't really afford at the current moment then why not strive and save for those things? Why not have that goal and keep plugging away at it until you finally reach it? But I'm talking about the other 'goals', how people feel they need to make a certain amount of money just to keep up with the rest of their friends or neighbors. Bigger and better cars or boats, being at the top of the line for the best tvs and electronics, constantly renovating your home to compete with the rest of the world's 'bigger and better', 'latest and greatest' home features or additions, refusing to be caught alive wearing anything less than an expensive name brand. Sure it can be nice to have all these wonderful things life, and I can certainly appreciate a beautiful home but I guess my question is 'when does it stop?'. When is it enough? When do we max out? And when do we stop and realize we have everything we want or need and can just focus on being happy and content with what we do have?
I don't know about you but for me, here in Calgary, it's exhausting at times. I find myself constantly faced with people like this who can only talk about money, how much money they make, how much money their friend Bob makes, work, work, work, what things they bought on the weekend, what they're buying next month, and then on top of it all?? Complaining that they don't have anything and wish they would win the lottery one day!
Sometimes I feel like a castaway when I'm amid a crowd of money-driven, money-hungry people. The topic honestly makes my eyes roll back and it amazes me that although most of these people probably are smart, have degrees and good jobs, they can't seem to talk about anything else non-money related. I'm sure they have passions, hobbies, things-to-do-before-you-die lists, but here, at least in Calgary, you'd never know it really.
I'm a RMT (Registered Massage Therapist) 4 days a week, and I'm also a part-time freelance Make-up Artist. Simply put, I don't make a lot of money at all. Doing massage all day requires so much strength both physically and mentally. No matter what kind of day I'm having, as soon as I'm with my client in that room I have to sweep away all emotion or negative energy I might be having, and I have to give nothing but the best with only positive and healing energy and thoughts. When that client comes out of the room post-massage and feels rejuvenated, mobile, and pain-free, that's when the true reward comes because that's when I feel good knowing I helped someone feel better, and that I made a difference in either their day or if so lucky, their life! So do I make a lot of money? No, definitely not. But the job itself, and the healing difference I make heighten the worth of this job to me.
Sure it would be nice if I got paid a lot more, that would be awesome, but I don't. So do I quit and go find a job doing something mundane, something I don't like or care about, something that makes many oh-so miserable, just because I would be making a ton of money? No, unfortunately for me, I just can't do that. I just can't wrap my head around sacrificing happiness for money. Again, I do realize that yes there are some situations we can't help and there are some scenarios where it would be different, but I'm just talking generally about how more and more people I meet absolutely hate what they do, but because they make great money, they stay and they don't care.
I've worked in an office before for almost four years where during the last 2 years I absolutely hated it. I became irritated more easier, I became angry and stressed over everything, I would find myself almost picking fights with my boyfriend and friends at the time, and I thought it was all them.  I'd get so angry in rush hour traffic, I was every lacking the energy to do much to better myself or nurture my creativity or passions simply chalking it up to "I don't have the time for it", and I found myself painfully getting through my work weeks living for the weekend solely, but hating my life the other main 5 days a work week! Now that was horrible! But I stayed for two reasons at that time ; job security and decent pay. Looking back over the years and how I transitioned, and grew above it all, and where I found myself starting to place more of my values made the biggest difference of all and I'm a better person because of it!
I won't be able to do massage forever, and so when I do switch careers I am going to strive for something I enjoy and something that will pay the bills. Do I need to live drastically above and beyond my means for the sake of keeping up with Calgary mentality and the rat race? Definitely not.
My goal is to always be able to take care of myself, and live comfortably, and not struggle. If anyone else comes along in my life and I meet that special someone and get married (*sigh* hopefully! because I'm such a sap and cannot wait to be married one day) then we will form that loving strength together and take on the world as a team. I don't need the biggest house in the world, I don't need 10 cars ( but I do want my one amazing one that will be right by side as well - hahaha! C'mon, I'm a car gal, give me a break), I don't need a thousand dollar purse, or the biggest television on the block, and I sure as hell don't need to hear people telling others that in order to be someone worth anything you need to make a certain dollar amount or own all these ridiculously expensive things. When I talk about riches and success I'm talking about the riches that lie within a persons soul, their heart, their personality, beliefs, passions and values, and what aspirations and goals they've achieved or have yet to achieve in life. I absolutely love knowing and learning all that makes a person who they are! I love all the stories in between too ; how they grew up, what their families were like, times where they failed, times where they succeeded and just about the things that make them smile ; the simple things, the sweet things, those are the real things.....the things that matter most.To me anyways.

Brush Belt Locked And Loaded

Last night was an experience I'll never forget. It turned another page in my list of experiences and it heightened my passion and creativity ten fold. The inspiration I took home with me will stay with me, and I will continue to nurture and tap into it whenever I feel the need to get the creative juices flowing. I'm talking about the event here in Calgary called YYC Fashion Week - same idea as NY Fashion Week but on a much much smaller scale of course. I was fortunate enough to be given the opportunity to be one of the make-up artists working backstage for the fashion show amongst many other talented and lovely make-up artists. And wow! What an experience that was!

I was pretty much just shoved right into it, which was exactly how I pictured it from all the fashion shows I have watched on TV. It was this small room just crammed right up with people - hair stylists, make-up artists, photographers, fashion designers, pushy gay wardrobe stylists (and man were they bitchy, hahaha!), and everyone was on a mission whether coming or going in and out of that room.

Racks lined with all these beautiful, unique and intricate expressions of couture, and stations for the hair stylists and make-up artists haphazardly lined up in the room.

The name of game that night was literally go-go-go, we didn't get much of a chance to even steal a sip of water, and that room was crazy hot with all the blow dryers and curling irons going, plus the ridiculous amount of models, stylists and artists all crammed into that room, but we made it happen!

So I did makeup for a couple of models initially, one was a very natural earthy look, and the other was smouldering and dramatic, but once they went off to wardrobe and to prepare to walk, that wasn't the end of it. One model after another would fall into my chair all asking for help with different things. I had one girl get turned away from walking the runway until she could get her tiny little shaving scratch on her shin concealed - so I had to cover that up. It was so small I couldn't believe that such a small little imperfection on a shin would be enough to turn them away. I also had another girl with a small tattoo showing through her mesh top and I had to conceal that for her as best as I could as well. Another model, a bit older, came up to me asking for help with a number of things. One of the things was that because she would be wearing a certain revealing outfit she had wanted all her 'blemishes' covered up on her body. Now the outfit she was wearing was this tiny little butt-flap type skirt and topless, with the exception of stickers taped onto her nipples! So she sat down in my chair, whipped her top right off, got down to her thong underwear and asked me to cover her blemishes and also basically turn her entire body into that of a bronzed glowing goddess. Sooooo I had to pull out my best brushes, load them up with highlighter and bronzer and totally perfect her entire naked body right before my eyes. The other make-up artists chuckled afterwards saying they were uncomfortable for me (but I'm sure every guy reading this right now is a bit jealous, ha ha!) I just laughed, and brushed it off as nothing but art and beauty , and that's exactly what it was.

One thing about this event was my new found respect for hair stylists. I mean I've always admired what they can do, and I respect their talents and creativity, but last night? Oh last night was on a totally different level. I'm not sure where exactly they found all of these hair stylists but man were they absolutely amazing. It was almost intoxicating just watching them perform their 'craft'. The creations they made, the passion they held in every single movement, every touch of the hair, every curl of the iron, every bobby pin they used, was a beautiful whirlwind to watch (whenever I got the chance to catch glimpses that is). There was this one stylist who not only is an incredible stylist but he also creates these gorgeous hair pieces out of actual human hair! And they're not some small hair piece,they're not something you could find a cheap replica of, and they're definitely not something that could be easily recreated. No matter how I try and describe it, my words won't do it any justice but basically he takes human hair and twists it, braids it, forms it into these amazing artful designs and flower designs , into a huge hair piece that once attached to your head would mimic your hair identically! He adds and binds it with a fine, pretty net, and adds a few small embellishments and it is absolutely stunning! Had I not been told it was a hair piece I would have thought that was her own hair! Could not believe such talent one could have with hair. If I ever find where this man makes/sells them I will surely add it to a future blog for you all to see! It was so gorgeous that whenever I get married I am definitely getting one of these made for me!

There were also equally amazing make-up artists, and I was so happy to be working amongst them! One thing about being a make-up artist is that we all enjoy watching others do make-up to see there different techniques, how they create what they create and to get some inspiration from! It's also a great place to meet and make new friends and contacts in the industry......and that's precisely what I did! Met some great ladies and men (even did makeup for men as well!), and just the overall exposure of being there representing these faces that were strutting the runway was a great feeling! I felt happy, proud even, and as I mentioned before.........I felt more inspired. For those of you who perhaps think make-up is just make-up, and that it's basically just some 'stuff' that women put on their faces to feel pretty, you couldn't possibly be any more wrong. Make-up is sooooo much more Thant that. It truly is an ART! The amount of skill and expertise one needs to create so many different looks and different illusions is precisely that of an artist! There's a reason why the word 'artist' is a part of our title - our brushes are our paint brushes, and the faces are the canvas. 

Working backstage for YYC Fashion Week really allowed me to explore and unleash my creativity, color outside the lines, be edgy, fashion-forward and to have fun! I can only imagine what it would be like to be a part of the amazing craziness of NY Fashion Week, but in the meantime I can at least say I've had a small taste of it, the Calgary version, and I loved it! It was a unique, exciting, unforgettable experience and I absolutely cannot wait for the next opportunity to arise!

We're Stronger In The Places That We're Broken

Today I woke up, sleepily padded over to the bathroom sink to wash my face and brush my teeth. As I finished drying my face gently with the towel I looked close into the mirror at my reflection and I saw them. Those scars. Although now quite faint, they still remain a permanent 'tattoo' across that part of my face, and never fail to remind me every now and then about that time. Most days I don't even see them, but I know they're always there. When the light catches them the right way, when that part of my face is free of any powder, when my hair is pulled straight back....I can see it, mostly just because I know it's there. It is a grim reminder but also a very grateful reminder for me. Grim because of what happened more so what could have happened, but grateful because I am grateful to be alive and where I am, and I'm grateful to be as strong as I am.
Friends of mine know I endured a horrible car accident 5 years ago, and new people in my life may or may not know I did, but not everyone knows the details involved. So today I want to share my story for those who don't know. And why? Because seeing my scars today in the mirror inspired it, but also because stories were meant to be shared - both good and bad, and what doesn't kill us only makes us stronger.
My very first recollection of that day was opening my eyes in the ambulance and not being able to move at all. Panic! Oh God, the panic! I couldn't even turn my head to look around me. "Do you know where you are Amanda?" one of the EMT's asked me. " Where am I? What happened?! Am I in the hospital?" They told me I was in a car accident and they were bringing me to the hospital. Now because I couldn't feel a thing or move, I thought I was paralyzed and so I asked if I was. All they could tell me was that they didn't know yet and that we will have to wait until we get to the hospital.
Fading in and out of consciousness, and the taste of blood in my mouth, I was scared honestly. Really scared. I awoke to being in an awful all white hospital room surrounded by 3 doctors discussing getting an immediate CAT scan. I was pumped with all kinds of drugs and hooked up to an IV so my memory of everything and my story is missing pieces as I faded in and out. I remember hearing them talk about this man named Clayton. "He was so worried about her he just called the ER" said one nurse to the other. ' Who the hell is Clayton?' I though to myself. It went black again. I opened my eyes this time to a nurse by my side with a small cold aluminum tray and a matching bowl. Next to it was a washcloth and long tweezers. She proceeded to to take this wet washcloth and wipe it across my face, dragging it over every single little tiny glass shard that was lodged in my face, trying to clean me up. It hurt so bad but because I was so doped up I couldn't even find the words to tell her to stop and that it was so painful. She just kept dragging this cloth across my face pulling every piece of glass even more through my skin.....and there was glass everywhere on the right side of my face. I then remember her picking up tweezers and starting to pull out each individual piece of glass, one at a time. I would hear it drop into the aluminum bowl and then back to tweezing, pull and drop, pull and drop. My face was on fire. I then started to tear up because I suddenly realized no one was there, no family, no friends, no boyfriend. I asked the nurse where my boyfriend was and if he knew. She said everyone was contacted but she didn't know when they would be here. I closed my eyes again, full of tears and went to sleep. I awake to see a familiar face, my love, Chris (my boyfriend at that time). Some immediate comfort. I asked him if he knew the extent and he didn't. Now whether or not he was just saying that to avoid me panicking more I'm not sure, but looking back I appreciate that if it was the case. I remember my lips feeling really dry and while laying there I asked him if I could have some of his Chapstick, if he could put it on for me. He had this regretful face and said "Babe, I don't think you need Chapstick right now" , and I reply " Yes I do, my lips are so dry and they hurt" . He holds my hand and says to me " Babe, I can't. Your lips are absolutely full of glass and blood" . My eyes widened, I reached up to touch my lips and I remember them feeling just like a low grit sandpaper but really sharp. When I pulled my hand back and looked at my fingers, they were sparkling with glass shards. At this point I immediately started to softly sob. All I wanted was to just go home and feel better. Eventually my family showed up, and another friend/ room mate that lived with Chris and I. Only memories of looking at them all around my bed, and them fading in and out. The doctor then came in and explained what happened to me. He had told me I had left work, and within two blocks of my work, upon going through an intersection, a man in a van had ran a red light doing 70km/hr and 't-boned' my car from my passenger side. My head had smashed through the glass at the top right hand corner of my windshield. My hip had broke my gear shift and I suffered a bad concussion. They didn't find any broken bones but told me the soft tissue damage was at an extreme level and to take all necessary time off work, get to physiotherapy, massage, and the doctors on a weekly basis until I can recover. I also was to attend a group for people who have suffered bad concussions and to see a neuropsychologist in time to test all cognitive levels. They gave me a name and number of a man named Clayton before I left. They said that this man was at the scene of the accident and had managed to force his way into my car to help me when I was unconscious. He had apparently witnessed the entire accident as he was walking outside to his parked car that was right near the scene. He held my head up and tried talking to me until the ambulance came. He had called the hospital, and left his name and number with them to have me call him as soon as I was better to let him know I was okay because he was apparently really worried about me and worried that no family or friends had shown up, and that he couldn't get a hold of anyone from my cell phone directory he had found in the car while tending to me (I eventually did end up calling him to thank him so much for being there to help me, and took him and his wife out for breakfast months later as a further thank you and also to see if by seeing his actual face, if it would trigger any memory or recollection of the incident. It didn't. I didn't remember his face at all even though he got my eyes open and had tried talking to me). 
Upon getting home, I couldn't support my own head for 2 weeks, I couldn't shower/bathe without help for over a week, I couldn't actually pull myself out of bed for 2 weeks. Literally. My boyfriend would have to help me get up before he left for work in the morning otherwise I wouldn't be able to get up. He also would have to wake up in the middle of the night every night to help me sit up to take my 3 different pain meds I was on.  For an entire month we had to change and wash the sheets every single day because after i slept in them, they would be sparkly from the tiny glass fragments working their way out of my body. We had dark sheets so it showed up like a star-lit sky. Again, more emotional tears came when after the 2nd day he told me he was sorry but he couldn't sleep with me in the same bed because of all the glass that kept coming out of my skin. Now if being in pain from this whole thing wasn't already enough, try having your one comfort, your love, tell you they can't even be next to you when you sleep. It sucked, let me tell you, I wanted nothing more than to be held and comforted, to make the pain go away, but sadly, nope. Anyways I was off work for 3 months, I got all types of treatment for over a year. The pain in my neck was slightly decreasing, and the range of motion in my head/neck had improved but it was at this plateau and would not go any further. Limited neck motions make things really difficult, and headache frequency was becoming something as normal as brushing my teeth!
Fast forward a couple years and I started working as a Registered Massage Therapist at a chiropractic clinic. Working there I decided to try out chiro for the first time. Upon explaining my last injury, the doctors explained to me that they would be able to help me and bring my neck back to 100%. Oh so hopeful I was when I heard this news! The fact that there was a possibility this pain would be gone and I'd have normal neck movement back excited me beyond belief. As months went by with chiro treatment they all became puzzled as to why I wasn't getting any better. They sent me for x-rays again as the last ones I had done was that day at the hospital. When they got the results back they pulled me into the office to show me what they saw. They saw two things ; the dens (which is the odontoid process of C2 or the 2nd cervical vertebrae) was fractured and instead of being straight up vertically which is how it's supposed to be, it was to the right like a little right hook none spur) . The second thing they saw was the right side of my 1st and 2nd cervical vertebrae were degenerating (arthritis) and trying to fuse together. Now I can sit here and explain more details anatomically but I don't want to get off track too much. Basically what this means is over time, the two vertebrae that are breaking down and trying to fuse, will only worsen and range of motion will decrease. Also, with that right hook 'dens' bone not bring straight up, it's very close to my brain stem now, and the doctors explained a few things with that. They told me that first of all I am an extremely lucky girl and lucky to be alive because when that bone fractured, it was almost completely broken off BUT because of the fact I couldn't move my neck, it somehow helped stabilize it and it healed (to the right but it still healed nevertheless). It's unfortunate the hospital neglected to pick that up in the X-Ray but they explained how if I had gone to a chiropractic clinic to have my neck adjusted soon after my accident, it would have killed me or I would have basically become a vegetable because of how close that piece was to my brain stem, and because it would have completely snapped off! Another thing they mentioned is that I cannot get into another bad car accident again involving any type of severe whiplash because although that bone is stabilized, it's not positioned right and it is very fragile and would likely break upon impact and potentially kill me. Not that an accident is anything that one can 100% prevent or anything but I guess that's good to know.
And now? How am I doing now? What's life like for me right now and how am I managing?
Well, I make sure that I try to do my very best at taking care of myself, properly stretching, massaging, recognizing when I'm in too much pain and to know when to stop or take care of it. I also do lots of strengthening for my upper back and neck because I want that beast stronger that ever and absolutely bulletproof! The way I see it, it must have already been strong enough to sustain that kind of injury without something even worse happening, so as my duty I will continue to take care of it and keep it as strong as I can for the years ahead of me. I don't want it stopping me or slowing me down too much from anything so this is what I'll have to keep doing. The range of motion is okay some days, worse on other days. The pain is constant, but something I've just become accustomed to ( as bad as that sounds, I know)  but some days the pain is pretty minimal, and then of course there are bad days. I just know that I have to keep fighting it, that's all! And when I see those faint scars on my forehead, around my eye, and that little piece of my right eyebrow that never really grows back like how it used to be, it will be a painful but sweet memory of just how strong and resilient one can be if they just hang in there, hold their chin up and wear their battle wounds with pride, whether that be physically or emotionally. We all have injuries we sustain in life ; break-ups, deaths, emotional losses, physical wounds and illnesses. But if we can figure out a way to try take those merit badges we've earned and wear them with pride knowing that we can overcome anything we're faced with if we try really really hard, then really....what can't we handle, right? Have your moments and times of sadness and pain, regret and fear, but at the end of the day know and believe that you're a warrior!

"The world breaks everyone and afterward many are strong at the broken places. But those that will not break it kills. It kills the very good and the very gentle and the very brave impartially. If you are none of these you can be sure it will kill you too but there will be no special hurry."

-Ernest Hemmingway

A Shiny Gold 4:00am

Alcohol, chicken fingers, and a side of yawns at 4:30am. That's what my Sunday morning consisted of today in celebration of watching Canada take the gold in men's hockey from Ikea ( I prefer to call them Ikea rather than Sweden, ha ha!) in the 2014 Sochi Winter Olympics !
Now anyone who knows me knows I'm not hugely into sports, but I don't mind hockey, basketball, and I do enjoy UFC (that counts at least, right?). But I figured with a game as big as this one, and being a born and raised proud Canadian, plus the peer pressure from my brothers and Dad to get in on the drinking and sports action, I figured I should probably get into the spirit and watch my country kick some serious ass! And that's exactly what I did. It's bad crazy enough that we were all socializing, drinking and telling silly stories last night til past midnight, but then we decided to hit the hay for a couple hours, wake up, drag ourselves out of bed and continue. I don't even really drink beer but I ended up pounding a few back, ya know, keepin up with the boys. This morning when 5:00 am came around it seemed like the only easy one to do. That and the only breakfast item choices were chicken fingers, spring rolls, wings, and dry ribs. So we all ordered up our greasy gross pub choices and let the game begin!
As I looked around between periods you could see all the tired yet alive faces, the genuine hopeful faces, both the young and old, and even the faces of the ones who were so tired and burnt out from partying Saturday night that continued their night right into this morning without even stopping to sleep! All for the game! Now that's patriotism! Everyone was brought together by this one event, and to imagine every single television in every little pub, shopping mall, apartment, and house tuned into this game is really beautiful! I mean, in any other situation at a pub how often would you have tables of compete strangers getting up to "Cheers!" and high-five each other? Not very often.
I'd have to say after the 2nd goal everyone was starting to wake up, and after that 3rd goal came through and Ikea was still at a big ol' zero, the confidence and loud cheering became prominent.
There was the guy running around the pub waving a giant Canada flag, the guy with the big red police light on his helmet drawing attention from everywhere, and nearly everyone was clad in their red knit Canada Pom-Pom toques ( yeah I said toques, yes that's what us Canadians call them).
I think that every now and then it's good to be reminded of your nationality, your heritage, where you grew up, and just make that connection to it. Only for this event would you ever find me getting out of my warm bed at 4am to head to the bar to drink for a hockey game! What a wildly fun morning and boy am I tired! But more than anything, and above all, I am so very proud! Proud to be Canadian, and proud of our boys on bringing home the gold!!!

A Day With The Princesses

Yesterday I did some volunteer work for the Sixty Five Roses Princess Ball here in Calgary. Its for kids with cystic fibrosis. They actually call it 'sixty five roses' because when little kids try to say 'cystic fibrosis', they have a difficult time and it often ends up sounding like 'sixty five roses'. Kinda cute huh?
Anyways for those of you who don't know, cystic fibrosis is an inherited disease of the secretory glands. Secretory glands include glands that make mucus and sweat. Cystic fibrosis mainly affects the lungs, pancreas, liver, intestines, sinuses, and sex organs. It's a horrible disease, and even more so horrible that children all over suffer from this condition. So they out together this annual princess ball for them, which really, is quite magical and sweet. 
I volunteered to do makeup for the princesses, and to paint their nails. It was honestly one of the most beautiful events I had ever been to and it warmed my heart incredibly to see all these adorable little princesses in their dresses, and mini princes having such a blast together and all smiles. There was every Disney princess there, and then some ( apparently I realized I am way out of the loop on the new age Disney princesses. I just found out who Elsa and Anna were). But as I was doing makeup for all these pretty faces and admiring their costumes, it got me thinking about the life of these Disney princesses and what they all had in common - waiting for their prince. As a little girl I always wanted the fairy tale, as most little girls did I would imagine. We were taught by Disney that we are all princesses who deserve princes and to live happily ever after. Doesn't actually sound so bad right? It brought back sweet nostalgic memories of me putting on my Moms high heels and her red lipstick when she wasn't home, thinking I was something of a princess too.
Now I know that in the original Grimms Fairy Tales these movies/stories are a lot different than how Disney actually created it, but all the Disney princesses 'romances' weren't exactly, how I do say this, the most ideal of romances.
So take Snow White for example...she lived in a house with 7 men. She cooked and cleaned for them all day, all while waiting around for her prince to magically show up. I don't know how most men would feel but I'm going to say that dating a girl who lives with 7 men probably isn't a good sign.....unless all you want is a domesticated doormat, then she's just the gal!
Then we have Belle from Beauty and The Beast. That guy had serious anger issues and was abusive! What kind of relationship was that? She also tried to change him, and although it eventually worked, I don't believe that's any kind of a good message telling girls that if we meet a guy we only 'sort of' like, we can change him. Not true. Love them for the person they are. Don't hate them or try to change them because of the odd quirks or flaws they may have.
Or how about Aurora from Sleeping Beauty? Okay, the girl is asleep or passed out (however you want to look at it) and she has to wait for a prince to kiss her? So eventually a prince comes along and kisses this woman in her sleep? Creepy! And to wake up to some strangers lips on yours? Ha ha ha.....Disney version of rape perhaps? Kissing girls who are unconscious?
Ariel drastically changed her body, gave up her voice, and bailed out on her friends and family all for a man she had just met? My oh my Ariel. Although you're beautiful and sweet, and you managed to get Eric to fall in love with just your body language, it's a little much, no?
Now I'm not a feminist or anything but some of these princess tales, when you dig deeper, really aren't all that 'magical'. It got me wondering just how literal these little girls take these Disney princess movies. Do they all believe that one day their prince will show up? And that when that day comes, it's 'the end' and they live happily ever after? When I think back to when I was a little girl, I lived and realized very quickly that things were never going to be like how they were in the movies or on tv, whether it be with love and relationships, or even just perfect happy families. So I personally cant speak much for the princess part, however I do believe that naturally from growing up with Disney, a part of me was led to believe that yes, one day my Prince Charming will come, and we'll live happily ever after. Ahh, 'happily ever after'....what does that mean anyways? When the fairy tales came up with that line or conclusion, what exactly did they have in mind? I'd like to think they meant that it means whatever happiness means to that person in their own unique situation but something tells me that's not the case. I think that everyone's version of a 'happily ever after' is completely different and no two people should ever be painted with the same brush when it comes to that.
I also hope for all the little girls out there, the little princesses, that someone in their life is explaining the difference between a fairy tale, real life, and what makes a 'happily ever after' a 'happily ever after'. We may not be little princesses anymore, but we still can wear our invisible crowns.

A Little Something Called Love

The world around me went silent. Our surroundings softly faded into a blurry haze, and I only saw him. Just him. It was enough to stop time for a second and my heart, just before it expanded and overflowed ten times over. My heart was warm and beating fast, my stomach encasing a whirlwind of blissful butterflies, and my eyes locked with his, intertwining our souls. Why did it feel like the sun had directly shone down on us at that time? It was so warm and I could no longer concentrate on anything else but this moment. There was a definite glow being emulated and I never felt so connected before. I automatically started envisioning all of these hopeful moments for the future, and just like a slideshow these sweet moments started playing through my head. I was lost yet found, I was one yet two, I was scared yet brave. And so I gave in, and and we fell deep into it...together. This feeling, this intense feeling, I didn't realize it was there until it was actually there...at that moment, and it took me by surprise. Looking into into his honest eyes, fingers laced together, and that smile....oh that smile, I thought to myself  "why me?"............"how have the stars aligned to bring me to this moment right here, right now, in front of this man?". Questions that don't need answers but rather questions that needn't be asked. And so I smiled. I smiled because I was happy, I smiled because he was happy, and I smiled because I felt lucky. That man had just told me he loved me, and to me, that is one of the sweetest moments in life one will experience.

In the spirit of Valentine's Day soon approaching, I've included two of my favorite love poems.
Share the love and leave one of your favorite love poems if you like. I love love!

Love,

Amanda, XOXO

 How Do I Love Thee? Let Me Count The Ways

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of Being and ideal Grace.
I love thee to the level of every day's
Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light.
I love thee freely, as men strive for Right;
I love thee purely, as they turn from Praise.
I love thee with the passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints - I love thee with the breadth,
Smiles, tears, of all my life! - and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death.

~Elizabeth Barrett Browning



Love's Philosophy

The fountains mingle with the river,
And the rivers with the ocean;
The winds of heaven mix forever,
With a sweet emotion;
Nothing in the world is single;
All things by a law divine
In one another's being mingle:-
Why not I with thine?

See! the mountains kiss high heaven,
And the waves clasp one another;
No sister flower would be forgiven
If it disdained its brother;
And the sunlight clasps the earth,
And the moonbeams kiss the sea:-
What are all these kissings worth,
If thou kiss not me?

~Percy Bysshe Shelley