Music Note

I think it's pretty safe to assume that most people have a 'must-do list' for all the things they want to accomplish, places they want to see, and experiences they want to experience in their lifetime. 
I definitely have one, and each year of my adulthood I try to cross off at least one thing, whether big or small.
One of the things on my list has always been to learn how to play the saxophone. Saaaaaaxamaphooooone! (Sorry, a lil' Homer Simpson humor there! Love that show!). And my reason for the sax? Well it started back in Junior High. I took band in grade seven (please resist all expected band camp jokes, ha ha). The people who joined band had to write a music test. The people with the highest percentage results got first pick of their instrument of choice. I was second pick and got stuck with the choice of tuba, baritone, trombone or clarinet. I went with the trombone only because I thought the slide was pretty cool, but really, I was so bummed out that I didn't get my sax. I've always loved the sounds of jazz and Kenny G when I was a kid and thought the sax was by far the best piece of brass ever constructed, with an amazing sexy, smooth sound, and with such style! So you can imagine the heart break when I found out I would not be playing it.
Although I played trombone, I always told myself that one day damn it, I will get to play the sax, and I will love it!
I never forgot about it, but amongst life's business and other priorities I never gave myself the chance yet to just go and do it, just go and learn! That is until this past Christmas where my youngest brother, whom I'm closest with out of all 3 brothers, bought me saxophone lessons, and a rental sax for a month from a music store here in Calgary! I could not believe my eyes when I opened that gift! He was just as pumped about it as I was. He kept saying "Open mine next! Open mine next! You're gonna love it!!!"
And I surely did. Not only was the gift absolutely amazing and cool, but the fact that my little bro actually paid attention to me all the years when I had mentioned back then how I want to learn to play the sax one day was pretty impressive, and really thoughtful of him! He's such a grinch around Christmas but the fact that he put this much thought into it was really quite heart warming.
So.....I have been learning how to play the sax for about a month now and I am just loving it! I started out with the tenor sax because I love the deeper sounds, however I had to switch to the alto due to the heaviness of the tenor around my neck ( I have a bad neck injury from a previous car accident). So I switched it up to the alto and was a bit skeptical at first because I knew it would be a higher sounding sax, but...turns out I love it more than the tenor because you can still get some really great low tones out of that thing from one octave to the next one. I also am finding it easier with the fingering on the key pads, whereas with the tenor your fingers are spread out a bit more due to the fact that its a bigger sax.
I laugh when I think of the first day I put that sax together, slid the strap over my neck and made my first sound - don't know why I thought it would sound all Kenny G-like being my first time but I did , I was on a saxophone high and went into my own little world when I picked it up, ha ha! So, it pretty much sounded like a sick whale. It was horrible yet hilarious! And for anyone who's thinking of maybe learning to play a sax, when you first blow a note, don't think it's going to be as easy as putting your mouth on the mouth piece and blowing to make a sound. No, no, no......without sounding dirty (get your mind out of the gutter people) it's all about lip placement, and teeth placement, and tongue placement on that reed. If you don't get those things down to a 't' ? Sick whale sounds coming your way! Or possibly just really awful squeaks!
I'm still very new and learning but I am having a lot of fun, and I can now play a couple tunes, and I'm in the midst of learning "Fever". Love that song, so sexy!! When I've told people that I'm learning sax, the first reaction has been "Really? Wow!! So cool!!" then sometimes followed by a "Are you planning on joining a band?". The answer is 'no', no I'm not doing it to join a band or anything like that. I'm doing it because I love music, I've always had appreciation for musicians, and if I can learn to make music again, even if it's just for myself, then that just makes my life that much sweeter. Even if I only end up playing it for a few months, that is still an amazing accomplishment for myself that I can now cross off my list. I'm a 'right-brainer', and so naturally doing things like this, tapping into my creative, imaginative side, almost unleash and inspire other aspects of my life, and they all feed off each other in the best way. I'm grateful that I can find inspiration in many different things, or just pure bliss, even in the simplest of things. Will I ever be a jazz soloist selling out seats in Manhattan? No. Will I ever record an album? No. Will I ever join a band? Probably not. And do I want to? Not really. But my point is this - do the things you've always wanted to do no matter how silly they may sound, do something that makes you happy and don't feel the need to have any rhyme or reasoning behind it. I'm doing this simply because I want to. No big reason, no big plan, and it's perfect that way. It's just like that girl on the dance floor who can't dance ; she doesn't care, she's doing it because she enjoys it! And me? Oh I am totally enjoying the sax! That's one more thing I get to cross off my list, and boy does it feel good! If my brother hadn't bought me this gift, who knows when I would have actually got motivated enough to go out and do it for myself? That thought alone got me thinking of just how quick time flies, and how easy it is to make excuses for not doing the things we like to do. It inspired me to make more time for these things. It inspired me to stay true to my list. It inspired me to share this with you.

On The Flip Side....

In response to my male audience from last Sundays blog post who all loved it but also wanted to see a rule list for women on how to be classy, I have decided to fulfill that request in all fairness.

However........... for the men that read my last post and got all fired up and felt they needed to defend themselves, this post won't be in reference to you and how a lady should treat you. No, no, this post will be in representation of today's gentlemen looking for a classy lady. If you are a true modern day gentleman then my last post resulted in applaud from you, and I thank you. You clearly knew that that post was about all the less desirable type of men out there, rather than yourself, you gentleman you ;)

So, one thing that seems to be a bit of an issue according to men is that when it comes to modern day women, over the years, dating way back, we have pushed and pushed for gender equality, and we have since succeeded. Women nowadays strive to be independent as much as possible, to be leaders, to bring home the 'bacon' , and to basically play all roles whether it's at work, in a family setting, or a romantically involved relationship. We have pushed to get here, and now that we have it we miss the old days of lives where roles were a bit more different, where we were courted properly, taken care of, and swept off our feet in blissful romances. So how we do find a balance? How do we modify these new age rules and satisfy both genders? How can we make the men feel more like men, the women feel more like women, all while maintaining some sense of equality in these relationships?

I don't have the answers to that but I do know that if we can all just become a little smarter and more in tune with recognizing certain traits of the opposite sex, then we will be able to better identify these differences , thus finding that modern day gentleman, or lady.

One problem I hear men complaining of is how women can tend to be all about money, or 'gold-diggers' if you will, and that is a very fair point made, especially living here in Calgary. It's true. There are a lot of women like that. Just as there are a lot of 'assholes' here who play multiple women at the same time. You're going to find that anywhere I think. However, when it comes to the comparison of a 'gold-digger' versus an act of being gentlemanly or ladylike , I think that's like comparing apples to oranges. 'Gold-diggers', in my opinion, are not a representation of a woman's manners, etiquette,  appearance, or romantic behaviour. If a woman is all about money, although shallow or desperate to have the sole need for being taken care of financially doesn't mean she doesn't know how to conduct herself as a lady, have manners, or be kind to people. Do I agree with women like that? No. That's not my thing, personally. I hold value in other areas. But I would imagine it would be fairly easy to find out within the first date or two, no? In which at that point, as soon as your recognize it, bail out of that relationship right away, just as we have to when we recognize a man is an 'asshole'. Do we always ? Absolutely not. Us women can be notorious for staying with men like that simply because we fall into a slump, start making excuses, and convince ourselves it's normal and that we are in fact in love.

Which brings me to my next point.....men are saying that us women lead them on making them think we are interested when in fact we are not. Sure , there are situations where both men and women do this, BUT for the most part I'm going to have to be on the women's side here for a minute...and this is where the classy lady part comes in. Let's use myself for example, I am a very friendly woman. I have manners, I have respect for people, I like being generous when I can and I am kind. To everyone ( unless you give me a reason not to be). I find it frustrating when my niceness gets confused for me being romantically interested in someone. If I'm interested in becoming anything more, I will let him know. So being polite and kind, as a lady should be, can sometimes come off in other ways to men, and so I believe that that may be the reason why someone feel a need to be a bit more harsh or cold as to not give the wrong impression. My advice to men with this one, if you're ever unsure, just outright ask. Don't beat around the bush. Be straight forward and put it out there. You'll have your answer, and a lot less if a headache wondering about it.

More feedback I've received is that women will try hard to have the appearance of a classy lady but then totally ruin it because their personality or way of words are just downright ugly. Or even their actions. Ladies, putting on a beautiful dress and doing your hair and makeup perfectly does not make you a lady! It's the person inside and your actions that do. The dress and jewelry are just to polish you and seal the whole package. I've heard from men, and sadly even witnessed myself some women who are dressed to the nines yet are spitting all over the sidewalks and cursing like a sailor as they walk along in their high heels. Not sexy or classy at all. Don't get me wrong, I'm no angel. I do curse but there is a time and place for everything my lovely ladies. And so, just in case we forgot or need a refresher, here is the modern rules for being a lady, as per requested.

Rules Of A Modern Day Lady

1. Always dress like you're going to meet your worst enemy.

2. Always be classy. Never trashy. Just a little nasty.

3. Respect yourself. If you don't, he won't either.

4. Stop comparing yourself to others.

5. Be happy with what you've got.

6. Confidence is sexy.

7. If he doesn't chase you when you walk away, then keep walking.

8. Cinderella didn't need to take off her dress to get her Prince Charming, and neither do you.

9. Respect the people who find time for you in their busy schedules. But love those who never look at their schedules when you really need them.

10. Acting dumb isn't cute. Intelligence is hot.

11. It might seem the hardest thing to do, but forget about the guy who forgot about you.

12. Make him chase you. Play hard to get sometimes.

13. Never change for anyone but yourself.

14. Be the woman a man needs, not the woman who needs a man.

15. Your dress should be tight enough to show you're a woman and loose enough to show your a lady.

16. Never apologize for what you feel. It's like saying sorry for being real.

17. Giving up doesn't mean you're weak. Sometimes it means you're strong enough to let go.

18. If you love someone, tell them, before it's too late.

19. Act like a lady, think like a man.

20. Never underestimate the power of a name. Use them. Be remembered.

21. Your smile is the sexiest curve on your entire body.

22. Never be reckless with his heart, and don't tolerate those who are reckless with yours.

23. Don't brag....too much.

24. A true lady doesn't start fights, but sure knows how to finish them.

25. Be approachable, have good posture, smile, and remember your manners.

26. Hold doors for everyone, especially older people or people carrying heavy things.

27. Have at least one outfit in the closet for a job interview, one for a first date, and one for going to see family (yours or someone else's) The amount of of headaches that can be spared by simply having a versatile blazer and pencil skirt at one's disposal are incalcuable.

28. Be a good hostess - learn how to make people feel comfortable and welcome in your house, and leave feeling like they got to be themselves.

29. Stop looking at marriage as the defining endeavor in a woman's life, no matter how much it has been ingrained into you. It should neither be something you actively disdain, nor something you seek out with white-knuckled deadlines.

30. Always have a back-up plan.

31. Give other women compliments when they are sincere and non-selfish, because girl-on-girl compliments are the greatest thing and a mark of a true lady.

32. Be the one to kiss first sometimes, and don't ever think that makes you weird or too forward. First kisses are too great a joy not to be shared by all genders.

33. You can never be overdressed or over educated.

34. If a man whistles at you, do not respond. You are a lady, not a dog.

35. Always cross your legs when wearing a skirt. Always.

36. A lady knows her limits no matter what. Stick to your guns. Hold your head high, but not your nose.









Sources : www.wattpad.com, pintertest.com, www.gallerybound.ca

A New Generation Of....."Gentlemen"

gent·le·man

ˈjentlmən/

noun

noun: gentleman; plural noun: gentlemen

1.

a chivalrous, courteous, or honorable man

 gentleman
 (n.) A man of calm demeanor, strong preserve, intellectual thinking, polite yet meaningful speak and a good upbringing. A fighter for the cause of right with words, not guns.

No matter how you look at it, no matter if it's a Webster definition or an UrbanDictionary definition, the word 'gentleman' is a universally understood word, and might I add as a woman, is a very appreciated one.

Working in the industries that I work in, I am constantly engaged in a lot of one on one conversation with people, women being a large part. I also have many girlfriends who attest to what I am blogging about today, single or not, because it's just that big of an 'epidemic' where even the most out of the loop, living under a rock individual would know of. Also men. Yep, their very own gender have been shamefully nodding their heads in agreement with the lack of gentlemen, or gentlemen qualities that are out there nowadays.

I'm constantly left scratching my head wondering what the hell is wrong with "men" these days and is it just going to continually get worse as years go by? Or will it be something like a fashion trend where perhaps gentlemen aren't "in" at the moment, but just like platform shoes, dark lipstick, and Hammer pants, they'll make a reappearance down the road again when the cycle of 'coolness' repeats? Thus the spawning of this post. Gentlemen....urban myth of the 21st century perhaps?

I'm not sure how it is in other parts of the world presently, but one thing I know for sure is that here, where I am, gentlemen or men with some gentleman-like qualities are a very rare find. As I mentioned before, in my line of work both as an RMT and as a Makeup Artist I talk to people all day. So you can imagine all the different conversations I engage in. Particularly with women. Some older, some a lot older, some the same age as I, and some younger. The common denominator? They all are confused and asking about the same thing....why are men these days so uncouth, so disrespectful, so inconsiderate, and lacking complete effort in courtship? Why don't men know how to properly approach a woman, how to date a woman, how to compliment, conversate and dine with a woman? In a world today where efficiency and convenience has become the name of the game, and where it's all about how to get things done faster, and cheaper, sadly I believe that this has transcended into the dating world. Our world has become so busy where we can't even make the time for someone anymore, not even for ourselves it seems, and so when it comes to dating, online dating websites and apps have become the more common method of finding that special someone.

Okay, so it takes the effort out of looking for someone, or approaching someone yourself in person and taking a risk right? It eliminates what some would call the "hassle" of dating. I personally love the serendipitous possibilities of romance, but hey, I'm a hopeless romantic, so what can ya do?

Then there is the first date. It could be a dinner and a movie type thing, it could even be something fun and interactive like mini golf or ice skating.....but......wait, we'll stop it right there for a minute......because this is precisely where a lot of problems seem to start from. Yes, it's sad that it's already right at the beginning, but it's true. Okay so what I'm hearing from many, many, many women (my own experiences included) is the complaint of this ; for a first date, the guy always suggests "Hey do you wanna come over and watch movies on my couch with me?". Oh. My. God. Alright, men who are reading this that don't see a problem with this at all?? You need a serious crash course in dating. First of all, asking a lady to come over and hang out on your couch with you is not a date. I repeat, it is not a date. We all know that even since Junior High, going over to someones house to watch movies is just code word for makeout/sex. So by all means, if that's your established goal between the two of you, then go for it, enjoy yourself! However if this is a woman you are wanting to impress, would it kill you to make some actual effort and plan a real date? Maybe hold the door open for her? Maybe treat her the first time instead of her treating you? Maybe try having some class? Maybe call her instead of texting her? Maybe try giving her an actual genuine compliment rather than "You turn me on" or "Your ass looks so good in those jeans"? Those are just a few 'maybes'. And to my male readers who are already experienced in how to act like a gentleman and do so, please don't take offense to any of this. This is directed to the ones out there (and let me tell you, there's lots!) who are either completely and utterly clueless or who simply just don't care! But really, you should care because gentlemen are the men who get noticed by all. They are the ones who will benefit in life in all sorts of different relationships and encounters, be it business related or personal. Many of the "men" out there today (and I use the word "men" very loosely on this one) are the complete opposite of the definition, and I honestly don't know if it's just that they weren't raised to be one and therefore don't know any better, or if they're afraid to be labeled a "wimp" or "gay" by their testosterone driven buddies, but whatever the reason is, it's enough to make a lot of us women stay single because we simply won't settle or lower our standards to date someone who has no manners, class, intelligence, and sincerity.

However, on the flip side, I do know that there are a lot of men out there who truly are awesome and know how to be true gentlemen, so we thank you for that. You are amazing. You are a rare find. Please don't ever change and please teach the others your ways. For those who haven't the slightest clue where to start, I've added a helpful lil' list just for you! You're welcome.

Wake us when the 'epidemic' is over.

Sincerely, Appreciative Women.

 

A Modern Gentleman's 30 Rules

1. Be gentle to the fairer sex, it's in the name.
2. Dress well no matter the occasion.
3. Pride is dangerous, be careful.
4. Be humble, be grateful.
5. Opening the door or giving a seat up for a lady isn't up for discussion.
6. Work hard.That is if you want to own anything worth having.
7. Starting/instigating a fight is for school boys, but men obtain the power to end one.
8. Ignorance isn't bliss. Knowledge is power.
9. Suit up. (Make sure they're tailored to fit) 
10. Confidence is a gentleman's trademark. 
11. Comfort zones are for the weak. Men aren't weak.
12. Foul language is for the less educated.
13. Make eye contact and mean business.
14. Lower your standards for no one.
15. Being romantic doesn't make you a woman.
16. Stay groomed.
17. Admit when you're wrong.
18. Always make the first move. You're the MAN.
19. Handwritten "Thank You" cards aren't "outdated". Use them.
20. Chivalry is not dead. There are just too many boys.
21. It is said you can tell a lot about a man by his handshake, so make it strong and firm.
22. Leave her breathless.
23. Judge no one, just improve yourself.
24. Speak your mind, don't hesitate.
25. Offer your arm to a lady while walking, they'll feel secure.
26. You're the man. You pay.
27. Women love compliments, gentlemen provide them.
28. Never wear your hat indoors, it's disrespectful.
29. Make sure everyone has their plate before you start eating.
30. We don't always have to be the center of attention, but we are always noticed. It is our signature as gentlemen to come, make a statement, leave, and be remembered.

Source : www.teachingmensfashion.com

1. Be gentle to the fairer sex, it's in the name.
2. Dress well no matter the occasion.
3. Pride is dangerous, be careful.
4. Be humble, be grateful - See more at: http://www.teachingmensfashion.com/3/post/2013/05/a-modern-gentlemans-30-rules.html#sthash.ivIerst4.dpuf

1. Be gentle to the fairer sex, it's in the name.
2. Dress well no matter the occasion.
3. Pride is dangerous, be careful.
4. Be humble, be grateful
5. Opening the door or giving up a seat for a lady isn't up
for discussion.
6. Work hard, that is if you want to own anything worth having
7. Starting / instigating a fight is for school boys, but men obtain the power to end one.
8. Ignorance isn't bliss, knowledge is power.
9. Suit up (make sure they're tailored to fit)
10. Confidence is a gentleman's trademark.
11. Comfort zones are for the weak, men aren't weak.
12. Foul language is for the less educated. - See more at: http://www.teachingmensfashion.com/3/post/2013/05/a-modern-gentlemans-30-rules.html#sthash.ivIerst4.dpuf

1. Be gentle to the fairer sex, it's in the name.
2. Dress well no matter the occasion.
3. Pride is dangerous, be careful.
4. Be humble, be grateful
5. Opening the door or giving up a seat for a lady isn't up
for discussion.
6. Work hard, that is if you want to own anything worth having
7. Starting / instigating a fight is for school boys, but men obtain the power to end one.
8. Ignorance isn't bliss, knowledge is power.
9. Suit up (make sure they're tailored to fit)
10. Confidence is a gentleman's trademark.
11. Comfort zones are for the weak, men aren't weak.
12. Foul language is for the less educated. - See more at: http://www.teachingmensfashion.com/3/post/2013/05/a-modern-gentlemans-30-rules.html#sthash.ivIerst4.dpuf

 

The Puzzle Pieces That Are Me

Within the last 4-5 years I would have to say I have learned so much about myself.  Particularly the last 3 years, and I can't even really pin point why. I know there has been a lot of change that has occurred with my life in that time frame, including the end of a long term job and the start of a new career, and the ending of a long term relationship in which I thought was indefinitely destined for marriage. Well as we all know, life doesn't always turn out the way we think it will. In fact, it almost never does. But that's not to say that the unexpected is necessarily a bad thing. The optimistic part of me thinks that one door never closes without another door opening up, even though we might not see it immediately.

Funny, when I think of when I was in my early twenties I thought I knew everything. I mean, don't we all? We think we have it all figured out, who we really are, what we will and will not stand for, and what we aspire to be. Now looking back, I throw my head back and laugh at twenty year old me. Not because at 30 now I think I know everything about myself, no, no, no...not at all. It's because I have come to the realization of just how diverse and deep we are inside, and how we are always growing, changing, evolving. It never stops. I think it's beautiful actually. We're like plants that way, always growing, and changing direction. You may not think you are, for whatever reason. You may think that possibly because you have been stuck in the same rut for a long time, and that nothing has changed much in your life, that you're not growing. But you are! Inside!

One of the things I have really started to enjoy and cherish in my late 20s and now even into my 30s is the quiet moments I have alone with myself, my mind. As an example, years ago I used to get so angry being stuck in rush hour traffic. I would clench my teeth and fume the entire time, giving myself a headache over it. Now? Now I have been able to make some light of the situation, and I take that time to reflect on me, my day, my life, and just get to know the me inside a little bit better. Yes I realize this may sound a bit  hippy or super spiritual, but it's true! And if that makes me a hippy, then I guess that makes me a hippy. Ha ha!
Honestly though, the times where it's just me and my thought are some of the best, most sweetest moments I look forward to. It's too easy for us to just float along in life, blasting through our days without giving it much thought, and just praying for the days to pass as quickly as possible until you get to the weekend, or that vacation you may be counting down for, or just that deadline you might have for something. But what about the days in between?

When I sit back and have that time to myself, I have reflected things. I have thought about my past, my present, and my future. I have thought of occurrences that have shaped me into who I am today. Obviously not all good, however when I look at the big picture and the end result, I wouldn't have it any other way because who the hell wants to be perfect? I sure as hell don't. Perfect is boring.

Knowing and experiencing what I have gone through in life, the friendships Ive had and have, the decisions Ive made whether good or bad, and well...everything else in between IS the reason I am who I am today! It's the reason I've grown to enjoy the things I enjoy, appreciate and value the things and people that I do, love the people I love, see the places I've seen, ask the questions I ask, live for the things that I live for, and want to be the person that I want to be or strive to be. Each year I learn more about myself than the previous year and I almost feel like it's the equivalent of adding a puzzle piece to a giant 1000 piece puzzle (you know the ones I'm talking about - those dreaded ones where they look beautiful on the box but you're spending multiple hours laying down on the floor of your house trying to put together AND not lose even 1 piece at the same time). Metaphorically speaking, each puzzle piece that I add and fit to this puzzle creation adds to the big, final picture, and makes the picture slowly come together and make total sense why that piece is where it is, and to give assurance that it is a part of something bigger and better than just that one little puzzle piece that it is.

See, last year, I used to be scared about turning 30. I didn't like the sound of it, I didn't like the fact I would no longer have that '2' in front of my age, and I was honestly just a little bit scared because society here has painted this picture of these certain expectations we are to have by certain age numbers, and if we aren't there in life yet, then we're 'failing' or are 'falling behind'. I was scared to officially grow up in a sense and felt that I would have to leave certain things behind because I would now have to strive for what our society would deem as bigger and better things. Well...who's to say that MY bigger and better isn't about taking more time to draw and write again, or to start crossing off all these little fun classes and courses that I have always wanted to try, or even just indulging in more healthy and inspiring things like travel, volunteer work, different activities, or spending more time reconnecting with family and friends?

Now that I am 30 and am approaching 31, I honestly feel pretty great with where I am in my life. If you asked me that awhile ago I probably would have said the opposite, but I have shifted and adjusted my definition of happiness and put more into the appreciation and acknowledgement of my quality of life and the people in it that I'm so lucky to have, rather than solely the material aspect ( I talk about this quite a bit in last Sunday's post)

To date, I have learned so much about who I am, and I continue to every single day. I am learning how to be my own best friend, and how to love my flaws. I am also learning how to see the good in bad, and to make sure I keep close the things that I know inspire me. We all have down days, and some days there are times when I just cannot seem to pull myself out of a funk, but the difference is that I know myself. I know that all I need is to give myself that time alone, that time to just block everything else out, and rearrange my thoughts and focus. Once I do that, I go find my inspiration. And I know exactly where it is.