Bunny

If you're a Sex And The City fan like me, then you will know my references here when I mention Charlotte and Trey.......and Bunny. I think a lot of my life's experiences and probably most female experiences can relate to at least a few of the different Sex And The City episodes. Am I right ladies?  Okay, so if you are a fan of the show, and remember what Bunny was like, you couldn't help but feel sympathy for poor Charlotte. I mean, Trey was the love of her life, and she had met him in the most perfect and dramatic of scenarios and they fell in love almost instantly. Butterflies, early 'I love you's' and everything. But remember when Bunny (Trey's mother) came into the picture? It was almost a two-for-one kinda deal, wasn't it? Or in Charlotte's case....not really a 'deal' at all. It was hell.......plaid and mallard hell, ha ha! See, for those of you who aren't familiar with the show or when Charlotte was with Trey, Bunny was Trey's mother. Bunny was very close to Trey...almost too close, in a weird uncommon way. She even bathed him at one point, as a grown man! Nonetheless he would do anything for his mother, and vice versa. It was almost like they hadn't quite cut the umbilical cord yet. But Charlotte loved him dearly, and was always in a constant battle to keep him close, keep their own separation as man and wife, and also keep a civil liveable relationship with Bunny.
Bunny made things difficult, Bunny wasn't always the most welcoming of mothers, and Bunny always thought she knew what was best and therefore would indirectly, and very cleverly influence Trey. She basically always had to be the woman of the house. In all situations. Until one day, Charlotte stood up for herself, and for her and Trey's relationship, and put her foot down about how they were going to live their life and carry on in their relationship, with or without Bunny's consent or approval. So this scenario in this television series sort of got me thinking about relationships and how far we as women or men go to please the parents/mother, and how much we are willing to give up and suffer through to keep our significant other happy.
This topic kind of evolved from a topic I had last week with my dear friend Natalie. The topic of relationships and men came up (as this is quite common with women of course), and we talked about our past or current dating situations in correlation to the families of the person we are dating or have dated. She mentioned how she had dated someone who had a seemingly perfect family who absolutely adored her, and she adored them. They all got along so well, and spent so much time together. It was almost like an extension of her own family but in a different way, not the same as her own. Then when her and that boyfriend had broken up, it was not only difficult leaving the relationship with him, but also the relationship with his family because they were just so close. So really, almost like two break-ups. I personally have been in that situation before as well. I dated someone for a long time and his family and I just hit it off from day one, and I had never felt so comfortable and loved before with any other family. In turn my family was the same with him. When the break-up went down, it was all about him/us. But then as months started to slink by, post-break-up, I found myself really missing his family and almost had an extra emptiness.
The point I am getting at, and I guess the inspiration for this blog post is the question of how much are we willing to go through in our relationships to make the family (or mother really, as we ALL know the mother is the only one that matters) happy? How much are we willing to put out or sacrifice to make our significant other happy in terms of keeping the mother happy? Why does the mother become the obstacle? OR for daughters, the fathers are the obstacle? Sure we all know the reason why fathers are the hard code to crack when it comes to guys dating their little girls (believe me, I know this one very well)....but what is it about the mothers? Yes the mothers give birth to us so they're naturally obligated to a bit of attachment, but there comes a time when enough is enough. Just like Bunny and Trey.
I've been in relationships in the past where I have never had an issue with the mother not liking me and as a matter of fact, they have all loved me from the start and I hit it off with every single one of them! Meeting the parents are my thing I must say, and I quite enjoy going out of my way to do nice things for them because they become like family to me, and also because I knew it would make my boyfriend happy. However, in my most latest relationship experiences there have been some scenarios I've had to deal with where I have encountered family drama, and it is not fun at all! So very frustrating. But at what point is it safe to assume that the relationship is what it is and to stop with any further efforts? Do you just accept it as it is, for what it is? Or do you spend the rest of your days exhausting yourself with the idea of what you should or shouldn't do, come special occasions , or simply just times when you will have to put on your happy face, and just be civil? And if that's the case, how much integrity do you sacrifice just to keep your girlfriend or boyfriend happy in terms of family relations before it starts affecting your own? I strongly believe that in most relationships, when you are dating someone exclusively, that you are also dating the family. Even on your most tired of days, or when you are just not in a sociable mood, when presented with the family, you have to 'get it up' so to speak, put on your happy face and basically perform an act. Why? Because you do it for your who you're dating. You're doing it for them, and no one else, and you will definitely be challenged with times where you have to bite your tongue I'm sure. But at the end of the day it's always good to know what you're getting into when you start dating someone, and most importantly to find out how much you are willing to sacrifice for this person and if it's worth sacrificing for. How much love is there to sustain your happily-ever-after? Sure, if you're lucky and blessed with dating or marrying into a family that adores you and that you click with perfectly, then that is simply just fabulous and a breath of fresh air. However, if you're on the opposing side, just make sure you find your inner strength, try keep yourself and your integrity grounded, and make sure you are both on the same team together. Love them, but love you and what you believe in more.