Man I love my family! Just this past Saturday night I had a bunch of my cousins fly in from Toronto, Ontario....hence the day delay in my Sunday blog, as yesterday I was completely in Saturday mode thinking it was not Sunday at all. My dearest apologies.
I actually had something totally different in mind for this blog post yesterday (today), but given the good times this past weekend AND knowing the week ahead while they stay with us, man.....I'm going to have stories for days!
So I don't quite know the title of what I will this call this post at the moment, but by the end of it I'll have something quite fitting, and as you are reading this, you'll already have read the title and are probably wondering "Oh dear God, what is this post gonna be about?!"
Anyhow, onto my hilarious drunken story of our family gathering last evening...and might I add and remind you that it was in fact on a SUNDAY night! So during the day my two older cousins and their sweet, awesome little ones were introduced to downtown Calgary. I took them down to Fiestaval which as you could gather most likely from the name is a Latin inspired festival outside. We also went to the Calgary Tower, which believe it or not, as a born and raised Calgarian of thirty years, I have never been there. I must admit it was pretty cool standing at the top looking down on top of a see-thru glass bottom floor. Sometimes doing the touristy things in your own city can actually be quite fun!!
So afterwards we went over to my brother's place to have a barbecue. Everyone was there ; Mom, Dad, youngest brother, his girlfriend, older brother, his wife, her parents and cousin, my cousins. The grill was completely full of all kinds of meat, there was food splayed out everywhere and drinks were a-flowin'! It was like an good ol' all-American cookout............but in Canada.
Fast forward a couple hours into the evening after everyone's bellies are full, and the liquor is making everyone feel just that much more loosened up, and verbally expressive in story telling and and hilarious colorful vocabulary. So my brother's wife started it all, without even knowing it I'm sure, by periodically bringing up the fact that she really wanted sausage. See, these jumbo sausages were being cooked on the grill, and she was apparently really anxious and wanted to try them, so she kept asking when they would be done as she couldn't wait for the sausage. Then , it pretty much all rolled out from there. First came the sausage jokes about how she was craving sausage so bad, and that she should go tell her husband that. My brother needed to open his beer and that's when my cousin remembered that his belt buckle actually doubled as beer bottle opener - so he proceeded to unbuckle his belt. The funny thing was that we didn't know what the hell he was doing and all we saw was Chris unbuckling his pants, saying he would open my brother's bottle. Automatically the jokes started coming out, "Ew Chris, what the..? How are you planning on opening his beer? With your sausage?'....."Look man, I just wanted a beer.... you didn't have to undo your pants for that." So basically all night whenever someone needed their beer opened, Chris would jokingly be beckoned that his sausage was needed.' Then my cousin pulled up this picture on his phone he was previously sent that was an image of an actual package of white sauce mix that you could actually buy from a grocery store in Toronto, it was called 'Creamy White Finishing Sauce' and it depicted an image of a slab of lifeless meat with this white sauce drizzled on top. Next came the jokes and laughs about sausage and white finishing sauce, and you can probably just imagine the jokes and banter that came from having a huge stack of jumbo sausages on the table, and the white sauce jokes. My brothers and cousin started grabbing these sausages , jokingly thrusting the air, bugging their wives/girlfriends....you know, the good ol' boy humor that comes out in every man when they are A) amongst men, and B) slightly intoxicated.
So my youngest brother Robert decides that he wants to dare my cousin Chris. Chris likes to be dared to do things, drunk or sober. And Robert? Well he's kind of the same way, but this time he wanted to do the daring, the betting. A bet of $100.00 apparently is the going rate for drunken wagers.
Robert bet Chris $100.00 to take this jumbo curved sausage, hold it at his crotch in an erect position dipped in sour cream, or the 'creamy white finishing sauce' as we joked. He had to walk down the street, and go not the convenience store, stroll the aisles, and walk back out.....all while holding this sausage with white sauce at his crotch. Well, he did it. He did it with no hesitation, and like a true champ. He paraded right in there, sausage out and all. A few of us, Mom included, followed behind him giggling like children, cameras in hand ready for pictures. My Mom got the best shots, and I can't wait to see them. Honestly, that night made my summer so far. I haven't laughed that hard in a long time! The best part about that whole night was because it was with my cousin Chris. My 'bruzzy' as I call him. See, bruzzy is my hybrid word fo r brother and cousin. That's exactly what he is to me, more of a brother than a cousin, and I love him to pieces! I in turn, am his 'sizzy'. Pretty sure you can figure that one out. We have great talks, great laughs, and last night was simply epic. A night I'm sure none of us will ever forget! This one is definitely going down in our family history! We will never be the typical Tanner family (90's kids will get this one) and most of our family holiday dinners involve conversations consisting of toilet humor, some mild profanity, and gross or embarrassing story telling. But at the end of the day, I wouldn't trade my crazy, silly family for nothing!
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