S Is For Spontaneous

Being spontaneous means to live in the present moment, to act or engage in a plan without fear, to get an idea and just go with it! Now I can't say that I am always spontaneous, however from time to time I most definitely love being spontaneous by just doing something totally random, unexpected even, and not really over thinking things but rather just going with the flow.
So I did just that this past week. It was completely random and I decided to go on a mini road trip with a friend of mine. We didn't go too far as I had to work the following day but we still totally ventured out to new territory.
As I said, it was a totally random decision. I literally opened my eyes while still laying in bed and thought to myself  'I need to get in my car, and hit the open road outta here'. So after a phone conversation, we headed out together about a couple hours outside of Calgary. Now that's not what was so much spontaneous as this next quick decision we made. So we're visiting this small city, being tourists, checking out random things, kickin' it around town, having good laughs, conversation, and the whole thing. We stopped in at this super old looking saloon. An actual saloon! This thing looked like it had been there since the early 1900s! Upon rolling up in there and parking our seats at the old wooden bar to order two frosty cold beers, we made ourselves quite at home chatting with the bartender there. She was a sweet old woman, but not the type to be taken lightly as being a door mat for bullshit or bad attitudes, no, you could tell she knew how to run that bar. She was telling us stories of the saloon, how old it is, and how it's rumored to be haunted. She explained some stories or experiences of her own, and that only intrigued us more. As we listened eagerly to each word, she suggested we check out this town called Wayne. She told us how it is one of Alberta's most popular ghost towns, and about how historic it was, and stories of the ghosts and hauntings within.
Now at this point, after being on an already spontaneous whim of this last minute road trip getaway, and not to mention the fact that we stopped off at this giant t-rex statue where we climbed to the top and threw a lucky penny off where we made a wish, and on top of randomly finding this saloon and stopping in for a small town beer, we decided to go to the next town of Wayne and get our ghost town on! So in the car we went! On the drive there I did a quick little Google research on my phone and discovered a bit of pretty cool historical information. I found out the Rosedale Hotel and Last Chance Saloon had been there since 1912, the current population of the town is 33 aaaaaand the hotel and saloon are both haunted and have quite the history behind it. The third floor of the hotel is forbidden basically and they don't go up there or even rent out rooms to anyone there because it is said to be haunted by a ghost. The third floor housed some horrible events back then, involving Ku Klux Klan, and even tortures where people were beaten, tarred, and feathered - I know, pretty creepy right? But intriguing for me at the same time. I was super curious and almost fascinated to learn more. Funny how when I was younger and in school I had no interest in history really, and now? Well now stuff like this is interesting to me, hearing everyone's stories, knowing who was here before me, listening to peoples life stories and how places became what they are today.....it's pretty interesting I must say.
So anyways after driving over multiple weird little bridges, creepy small town-ness in the middle of nowhere, we arrived at the Last Chance Saloon and Rosedale Hotel, and stopped in for good old greasy diner-style appies, beers, and even bought souvenier shirts repping the Last Chance Saloon to remind us of our super awesome, and totally random day!
We were lucky enough to have the owner sit down with us, give us a history lesson of the town of Wayne, explain all the nostalgic memorabilia laden on the walls (including the actual original bullet holes in the wall that were out there by the original owner of the saloon back in 1912 - he shot his revolver at patrons who tried to duck out on paying their bill) . She also gave us a mini tour of the hotel rooms there ( there weren't many, maybe 10 tops). I asked about seeing the third floor and naturally she said no and that no one goes up there. The allure and curiosity of that made me want to see it even more! Yes I know I'm crazy. But after a great afternoon of touring the place, getting a history lesson and basically taking it back in time for a day, hours away from our homes in the city, we felt almost rejuvenated in an odd sort of way. Part of it was the fresh air, being on the open road, and just all the awesomeness of friends getting together for a road trip, laughing, talking, connecting and all, and part of it was the super cool experience of doing something new and different, but mostly it was really and truly just the root of it all - the root and purpose of spontaneity. We didn't plan it, we both just woke up, made immediate decisions, went on a whim, had an absolutely amazing and unforgettable day making the best of memories. The reason I love spontaneous times like these is because one never has the feeling of waiting or getting impatient anticipating a predetermined plan. You don't get the chance to be impatient if eager - you just get to experience the fun and beauty of making an immediate decision not knowing the next step or plan.......and those can be some of the most greatest times of your life, making the most wonderful of memories.

Motors Get My Motor Running

Today I have a lot of things of my mind. Many things I could write about for pages on end. But I don't know if I'm in the right frame of mind to be voicing my opinions and thoughts just yet. Lately there have been a quite a few things on my mind, quite a few things leaving me puzzled, and quite a few upsetting things. But I think instead of writing about those things, I will write about something totally different in the vain hope that it takes over all the other shitty little things in my mind, and that it all just transcends into this beautiful and uplifting realm of happiness. How many times did I just say "things" ? Geez Amanda......
Anyhow, soooooo I'm super excited to be doing something that I have wanted to do for a very long time! To learn how to ride a motorcycle! So cool, right? I'm signing up for lessons this week FINALLY and I couldn't be more thrilled! ( how's that for writing about something totally different?) I have wanted to ride a motorcycle since the first time I saw my brother Raymond on his moped way back in the 90s! Seriously, that's where it all started! Then when I got my very first taste of driving (a car) I liked it, a lot. And being in our family, I swear it's in our blood, the whole car loving thing. Perhaps if I didn't grow up with three brothers and my Dad I wouldn't have been into cars or anything boyish but that's not the case at all. Fast forward years ahead and I'm on my third car and absolutely live to drive (and speed) . No I don't drive like an idiot, I promise, but I would be lying if I said I didn't like going fast or being one with the road.
Now driving my cars is something I've always enjoyed. In fact I enjoy all aspects - I enjoy learning about how to fix certain things, I enjoy even just learning about the general mechanics of a car, and I really enjoy the time spent washing, waxing, polishing my car top to bottom, inside and out ( my neighbours must think I'm crazy when I'm out there every second day in the summer shining up my ride) And what's even more hilarious about our family (aside from my Mom) is that we all have our OWN car cleaning stash/crate, and if ANYONE is seen rummaging through one another's car cleaning supplies, we pretty much freak out and ask them what the hell do they think we're doing? It's actually making me laugh out loud as I type this. We're so nuts. Oh and Sundays? I've deemed Sundays as ' Car Day' ....well in the warm weather seasons of course. Doesn't meant I spend alllllll day maintaining/cleaning my car, but a good chunk of time is spent doing that, not gonna lie. However, now I blog every Sunday, and I run every single Sunday so a little shifting around of the schedule will be necessary but never ignored.
Anyways the point of this post isn't even supposed to be about cars, but if felt the need to give you a little background on just how car crazy I can get, for a female, ha ha ha! So I'm sure you can see how this ties into the desire to learn to ride a motorcycle. Simply put, it's fast, sexy, has a motor, and would be a perfect addition to my little world of wheels. Also to note, my youngest brother Robert is on board too and wants his bike license! So we are going to take it together.
I couldn't even tell you exactly what it is about the whole bike thing and need to drive it but if I had to guess I think it's the fact that it's totally wide open, the road and I, two wheels, and just a totally different feeling than being inside a car.
Some people say it's a great idea to ride a motorcycle, some people say the opposite. Yes there is risk in riding, but there is risk in everything. One thing I've come to the realization of is that being too scared to do something is only going to limit you, and if we spend our lives being too scared to do anything then we just might miss out on so many great things! So instead of taking the easy way out and being too scared, I'm gonna look it straight in the face, get on that bike and damn well learn how to ride it! Then after that point I'm pretty sure I'll know exactly if motorcycle riding is for me me or not. I just have this vision....the open road, all black crotch rocket style bike, leathers head to toe and my long hair blowing in the wind under my helmet, road trips down the coast of California.... ahhhh yes.
Really though, I'm just so excited, so thrilled. I know I'll have to be really careful but that's part of the excitement of it all, isn't it? The thrill of the ride? That badass, fast feel? I cannot wait.
Stay tuned for updates on that one in the month to come.....also know as May, my birthday month (eek! Turning 31!)

Randomness At It's Finest : An Interview With My Not-So-Little Bro

Sometimes my blog posts are deep. Sometimes they're inspiring and enlightening, and educational. Sometimes they're just beefs or ranting. And sometimes they're just entertaining and funny randomness! Thus the spawning of today's post....today I bring you an 'interview' of random questions I decided to ask my brother. I had to lure him in with some cold beers in order to get his time, but nonetheless he obliged. There's really no rhyme or reason, but rather I'm not sure what to write about today and I've always thought that reading funny questionnaires or interviews make me laugh! And Robert, my youngest brother at twenty-six years old is the one I've decided to corner today to give me some material! Hope you somewhat enjoy a good carefree mindless laugh at it - I know I sure did! Enjoy!

" Hey Robert! How's that beer tasting? Ready to be asked the questions?"
*takes a swig of beer* " Yep! Ask away!"
....and it begins.........

1) What was your favourite childhood memory?
Going to the park after school and playing with friends.

2) If you could be invisible, where would you go and what would you do?
   Break into an Audi dealership and steal my R8 and go rip down the highway.

3) What would you do if you won the lottery?
    Go traveling , specifically Guyana, buy an endless supply of rum, and do some investing.

4) What's your favorite alcoholic drink?
     El Dorado

5) What's the longest you've gone without sleep?
    Just shy of 48 hours

6) If you could ask your future self one question what would it be?
    How many guns will I have before I stopped buying guns?

7) What would be your dream sandwich?
    Gettin' some sandwich action!(not by guys)

8)  What was your biggest fear as a kid?
  Chucky from 'Child's Play' and Zeebo The Clown from 'Are You Afraid Of The Dark?'

9) What irritates you the most?
   Crying babies and disobedient kids.

10) What's the stupidest thing you've ever done?
Thinking I could punch my fist through a two-by-six that was supported by a four-by-four support beam for a deck (this was after drinking a two six, half a case of beer, shots and hours in the sun tanning and on an empty stomach)

11) If you could travel anywhere in the world to a place you haven't yet been, where would it be?
   Brazil


12) You just found a genie lamp! Quick! What are your 3 wishes?!
   Unending supply of money,  live in Guyana, and have my own empire in Guyana


13) What is the definition of total and complete happiness/bliss to you?
Being stranded on a tropical island with no means of rescue whatsoever only to stumble upon a massive underground storage filled with lots of pirate rum and food and lay on the beach drinking rum, soaking up sun rays. Id also want an old antique pirate ship made of wood so if I wanted I could sail anywhere and live off pirate land like Jack Sparrow.


14) What was your favorite Halloween costume and why?
When I dressed up like a woman and you (me) helped do my makeup and get me all woman-like! Hahaha, I friggin' looked like Michael Jackson!

Logic VS. Gut

One thing I love about blogging is how easily I can be inspired for a topic at the most random of times or events. Just yesterday while sitting in a mall food court enjoying some delicious pad Thai and people watching, I became inspired for a topic involving the people and interactions that I was witnessing. I thought to myself  "okay this is what I'm going to write about tomorrow for sure!"

But then....fast forward later into the evening and I found myself over at our family next door neighbor's house who's a great friend of ours, enjoying a fun little Saturday night get together. Some of my family, some of his family, basically all one awesome family and all awesome friends.

It was such a fun evening filled with good food, drinks, belly-splitting laughs, and great conversation!

We're honestly just so lucky to have a neighbor like Charles, one who welcomes us into his home just as if we were family, has no judgement or fakeness and is an absolute blast to be around and tell stories with. Most people never even get to know their neighbors names nowadays! So the fact that Charles had invited us over to meet one of his brothers who had just flown in from Newfoundland to visit, and to meet some of his old time friends was really quite an honor, if I may put it that way.

I personally have always believed that whenever one meets anothers family member, whether it's on a friend basis, a professional basis or a romantically involved relationship, that person has chosen to let down one of their walls for you to welcome you into a more personal part of their life. It means they actually see value in you and the relationship that you share. To me, that's just beautiful.

So getting to my point, amongst all the great conversation through the night, I engaged in one in particular that inspired this post today. It was something so simple, so uncomplicated and so pure that it almost made me want to slap myself in the head for not paying more attention to this in my real life. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized just how true it was, and how sometimes in life we need that person to take us out of this crazy world for a minute and remind us how to listen to that natural voice inside us. And so I dedicate this post to the Lee brothers, and to Bruce specifically for making me tune in just a little bit more to my own heart.

Bruce and I started talking about relationships and the dating world today. People tend to be a bit surprised when I tell them I'm single and that I have in fact been for quite some time. I'm a long term relationship kinda gal, and after any end of a relationship I personally feel the need to take time to distance myself from that ended past relationship, have my own time to regenerate and renew, and then only from there will I feel ready to open myself up to the possibility of something new in my life with someone I care about. There are many different important factors that make up a relationship, a thriving and meaningful relationship, and everyone has their own 'check list' of things they need or want in one. Some things on that list can be overlooked and aren't really necessary, and some things are absolute. Basically we all know what we will and will not stand for and we all know what we want in a relationship. I like to think this comes with age and experience (at least from my experience) - the more dating experiences both good and bad that you've had in a lifetime will only further sharpen your precision on what exactly you like and do not like. We're all different and unique that way, and that's what draws one person to another, that's how levels of compatibility are formed.

This makes us selective with our choices because we don't want to waste our time, or the other persons time. There is truly something to be said about people who take their time finding that person and not just dating someone just to have a boyfriend or girlfriend. I think so many people stay together for the wrong reasons, and on that same note so many people avoid being together for even MORE wrong reasons. And why? Well if you really dig to the root of it all, it usually comes down to society in the sense of being worried what other people will think. Sure there are those one off valid reasons, but I think the logic of it all is sometimes rather poisonous.

See Bruce was explaining to me about logic versus your gut, or your heart. So the question is which one do we listen to? Or which one should we listen to? In some scenarios, I'd say logic, but when it comes to love and relationships, why aren't we all listening more to our hearts or our gut feeling rather than our brains? The brain is mean I decipher things, be analytical,  provide equations and send messages on how we should feel. So then I ask you, how does the brain know what we should feel? Those thoughts must have been out there somehow, the brain was was not pre-programmed upon birth. It was and is society that puts these certain thoughts into our heads. It's the logic that has been formed to make us think something is right or wrong for us. But what about the oldest most purest form , the most natural form - how we feel inside?  It's so easy to silence that gut feeling whether it may be a good feeling or a really bad feeling,so we do it anyways because that's the logical answer, and apparently the logical answer is always the right one.

Well I totally disagree.

Bruce told me a story about how he was in a relationship for something like 15 years but had never truly had that feeling like he wanted to marry this woman. He couldn't figure out why really but logically he felt he should stay. Then eventually the relationship ended and he met a wonderful woman whom only after knowing for a short while knew he wanted to be with and marry. He explained how the logic was trying to get in the way - he had everyone telling him he shouldn't marry her for different silly reasons, and it would have been so easy to just listen to the logic of it, but instead he chose to listen to his heart and married her. His gut feeling was telling him this was right, but the logic was slightly saying different. He ignore the logic and is so happy he did, and he is in a happy and loving relationship with his best friend, his beautiful wife. So Bruce gave me his advice, I'm its sweetest most simplest form - listen to my gut feeling, not the logic. It was my Mr Miyagi moment with Bruce Lee (yes that's his name :)  ) and so I had to share it with the world.

This story made me wonder and clue in to just how many times I may have been listening to much to my logical side when I should have probably should have just silenced that voice a bit and given my gut instinct the benefit of the doubt. So before I left at the end of the night, which ended at 4am, as my parting gift of wisdom from him, he said "Remember Amanda...." and points to his stomach and smiles, then point to his head, frowns and shakes his head to say 'no'.  Sweetest advice ever. To all the Lee brothers of the Charlie clan, especially Bruce and Charlie, thank you for being just awesome!

More Isn't Always Better

Being born and raised in Calgary, Alberta, I tend to come across times in my days where I'm forced to take a step back and just shake my head at all the money obsessed people that are out there. In the world of business, finances, and living in one of the biggest oil and gas locations in the world I notice that more times than not, people are totally and completely driven by money and money alone.
Now don't get me wrong, I do understand that in order to make it in an expensive city, you do need to make enough income to support yourself or family, but what I don't understand is how any amount of money that one makes is never enough. A lot of people measure their success in life by the earnings they make, by the number value sitting in that bank account, and by the material items and possessions they own that are in direct correlation with their income.....or so it seems that way.
I am someone who completely understands that one may need a certain amount of money in order to achieve these personal goals they have, regardless of what they may be. And I guess that's the question right there, what ARE the goals? Is it to have enough money to send your children to a good university after high school? Is it to buy that dream house you've always wanted? Is it to support other family members such as your parents who can't afford to take good care of themselves anymore? If it's goals like that, or just items you've been wanting or dreaming of for years but can't really afford at the current moment then why not strive and save for those things? Why not have that goal and keep plugging away at it until you finally reach it? But I'm talking about the other 'goals', how people feel they need to make a certain amount of money just to keep up with the rest of their friends or neighbors. Bigger and better cars or boats, being at the top of the line for the best tvs and electronics, constantly renovating your home to compete with the rest of the world's 'bigger and better', 'latest and greatest' home features or additions, refusing to be caught alive wearing anything less than an expensive name brand. Sure it can be nice to have all these wonderful things life, and I can certainly appreciate a beautiful home but I guess my question is 'when does it stop?'. When is it enough? When do we max out? And when do we stop and realize we have everything we want or need and can just focus on being happy and content with what we do have?
I don't know about you but for me, here in Calgary, it's exhausting at times. I find myself constantly faced with people like this who can only talk about money, how much money they make, how much money their friend Bob makes, work, work, work, what things they bought on the weekend, what they're buying next month, and then on top of it all?? Complaining that they don't have anything and wish they would win the lottery one day!
Sometimes I feel like a castaway when I'm amid a crowd of money-driven, money-hungry people. The topic honestly makes my eyes roll back and it amazes me that although most of these people probably are smart, have degrees and good jobs, they can't seem to talk about anything else non-money related. I'm sure they have passions, hobbies, things-to-do-before-you-die lists, but here, at least in Calgary, you'd never know it really.
I'm a RMT (Registered Massage Therapist) 4 days a week, and I'm also a part-time freelance Make-up Artist. Simply put, I don't make a lot of money at all. Doing massage all day requires so much strength both physically and mentally. No matter what kind of day I'm having, as soon as I'm with my client in that room I have to sweep away all emotion or negative energy I might be having, and I have to give nothing but the best with only positive and healing energy and thoughts. When that client comes out of the room post-massage and feels rejuvenated, mobile, and pain-free, that's when the true reward comes because that's when I feel good knowing I helped someone feel better, and that I made a difference in either their day or if so lucky, their life! So do I make a lot of money? No, definitely not. But the job itself, and the healing difference I make heighten the worth of this job to me.
Sure it would be nice if I got paid a lot more, that would be awesome, but I don't. So do I quit and go find a job doing something mundane, something I don't like or care about, something that makes many oh-so miserable, just because I would be making a ton of money? No, unfortunately for me, I just can't do that. I just can't wrap my head around sacrificing happiness for money. Again, I do realize that yes there are some situations we can't help and there are some scenarios where it would be different, but I'm just talking generally about how more and more people I meet absolutely hate what they do, but because they make great money, they stay and they don't care.
I've worked in an office before for almost four years where during the last 2 years I absolutely hated it. I became irritated more easier, I became angry and stressed over everything, I would find myself almost picking fights with my boyfriend and friends at the time, and I thought it was all them.  I'd get so angry in rush hour traffic, I was every lacking the energy to do much to better myself or nurture my creativity or passions simply chalking it up to "I don't have the time for it", and I found myself painfully getting through my work weeks living for the weekend solely, but hating my life the other main 5 days a work week! Now that was horrible! But I stayed for two reasons at that time ; job security and decent pay. Looking back over the years and how I transitioned, and grew above it all, and where I found myself starting to place more of my values made the biggest difference of all and I'm a better person because of it!
I won't be able to do massage forever, and so when I do switch careers I am going to strive for something I enjoy and something that will pay the bills. Do I need to live drastically above and beyond my means for the sake of keeping up with Calgary mentality and the rat race? Definitely not.
My goal is to always be able to take care of myself, and live comfortably, and not struggle. If anyone else comes along in my life and I meet that special someone and get married (*sigh* hopefully! because I'm such a sap and cannot wait to be married one day) then we will form that loving strength together and take on the world as a team. I don't need the biggest house in the world, I don't need 10 cars ( but I do want my one amazing one that will be right by side as well - hahaha! C'mon, I'm a car gal, give me a break), I don't need a thousand dollar purse, or the biggest television on the block, and I sure as hell don't need to hear people telling others that in order to be someone worth anything you need to make a certain dollar amount or own all these ridiculously expensive things. When I talk about riches and success I'm talking about the riches that lie within a persons soul, their heart, their personality, beliefs, passions and values, and what aspirations and goals they've achieved or have yet to achieve in life. I absolutely love knowing and learning all that makes a person who they are! I love all the stories in between too ; how they grew up, what their families were like, times where they failed, times where they succeeded and just about the things that make them smile ; the simple things, the sweet things, those are the real things.....the things that matter most.To me anyways.

Brush Belt Locked And Loaded

Last night was an experience I'll never forget. It turned another page in my list of experiences and it heightened my passion and creativity ten fold. The inspiration I took home with me will stay with me, and I will continue to nurture and tap into it whenever I feel the need to get the creative juices flowing. I'm talking about the event here in Calgary called YYC Fashion Week - same idea as NY Fashion Week but on a much much smaller scale of course. I was fortunate enough to be given the opportunity to be one of the make-up artists working backstage for the fashion show amongst many other talented and lovely make-up artists. And wow! What an experience that was!

I was pretty much just shoved right into it, which was exactly how I pictured it from all the fashion shows I have watched on TV. It was this small room just crammed right up with people - hair stylists, make-up artists, photographers, fashion designers, pushy gay wardrobe stylists (and man were they bitchy, hahaha!), and everyone was on a mission whether coming or going in and out of that room.

Racks lined with all these beautiful, unique and intricate expressions of couture, and stations for the hair stylists and make-up artists haphazardly lined up in the room.

The name of game that night was literally go-go-go, we didn't get much of a chance to even steal a sip of water, and that room was crazy hot with all the blow dryers and curling irons going, plus the ridiculous amount of models, stylists and artists all crammed into that room, but we made it happen!

So I did makeup for a couple of models initially, one was a very natural earthy look, and the other was smouldering and dramatic, but once they went off to wardrobe and to prepare to walk, that wasn't the end of it. One model after another would fall into my chair all asking for help with different things. I had one girl get turned away from walking the runway until she could get her tiny little shaving scratch on her shin concealed - so I had to cover that up. It was so small I couldn't believe that such a small little imperfection on a shin would be enough to turn them away. I also had another girl with a small tattoo showing through her mesh top and I had to conceal that for her as best as I could as well. Another model, a bit older, came up to me asking for help with a number of things. One of the things was that because she would be wearing a certain revealing outfit she had wanted all her 'blemishes' covered up on her body. Now the outfit she was wearing was this tiny little butt-flap type skirt and topless, with the exception of stickers taped onto her nipples! So she sat down in my chair, whipped her top right off, got down to her thong underwear and asked me to cover her blemishes and also basically turn her entire body into that of a bronzed glowing goddess. Sooooo I had to pull out my best brushes, load them up with highlighter and bronzer and totally perfect her entire naked body right before my eyes. The other make-up artists chuckled afterwards saying they were uncomfortable for me (but I'm sure every guy reading this right now is a bit jealous, ha ha!) I just laughed, and brushed it off as nothing but art and beauty , and that's exactly what it was.

One thing about this event was my new found respect for hair stylists. I mean I've always admired what they can do, and I respect their talents and creativity, but last night? Oh last night was on a totally different level. I'm not sure where exactly they found all of these hair stylists but man were they absolutely amazing. It was almost intoxicating just watching them perform their 'craft'. The creations they made, the passion they held in every single movement, every touch of the hair, every curl of the iron, every bobby pin they used, was a beautiful whirlwind to watch (whenever I got the chance to catch glimpses that is). There was this one stylist who not only is an incredible stylist but he also creates these gorgeous hair pieces out of actual human hair! And they're not some small hair piece,they're not something you could find a cheap replica of, and they're definitely not something that could be easily recreated. No matter how I try and describe it, my words won't do it any justice but basically he takes human hair and twists it, braids it, forms it into these amazing artful designs and flower designs , into a huge hair piece that once attached to your head would mimic your hair identically! He adds and binds it with a fine, pretty net, and adds a few small embellishments and it is absolutely stunning! Had I not been told it was a hair piece I would have thought that was her own hair! Could not believe such talent one could have with hair. If I ever find where this man makes/sells them I will surely add it to a future blog for you all to see! It was so gorgeous that whenever I get married I am definitely getting one of these made for me!

There were also equally amazing make-up artists, and I was so happy to be working amongst them! One thing about being a make-up artist is that we all enjoy watching others do make-up to see there different techniques, how they create what they create and to get some inspiration from! It's also a great place to meet and make new friends and contacts in the industry......and that's precisely what I did! Met some great ladies and men (even did makeup for men as well!), and just the overall exposure of being there representing these faces that were strutting the runway was a great feeling! I felt happy, proud even, and as I mentioned before.........I felt more inspired. For those of you who perhaps think make-up is just make-up, and that it's basically just some 'stuff' that women put on their faces to feel pretty, you couldn't possibly be any more wrong. Make-up is sooooo much more Thant that. It truly is an ART! The amount of skill and expertise one needs to create so many different looks and different illusions is precisely that of an artist! There's a reason why the word 'artist' is a part of our title - our brushes are our paint brushes, and the faces are the canvas. 

Working backstage for YYC Fashion Week really allowed me to explore and unleash my creativity, color outside the lines, be edgy, fashion-forward and to have fun! I can only imagine what it would be like to be a part of the amazing craziness of NY Fashion Week, but in the meantime I can at least say I've had a small taste of it, the Calgary version, and I loved it! It was a unique, exciting, unforgettable experience and I absolutely cannot wait for the next opportunity to arise!

We're Stronger In The Places That We're Broken

Today I woke up, sleepily padded over to the bathroom sink to wash my face and brush my teeth. As I finished drying my face gently with the towel I looked close into the mirror at my reflection and I saw them. Those scars. Although now quite faint, they still remain a permanent 'tattoo' across that part of my face, and never fail to remind me every now and then about that time. Most days I don't even see them, but I know they're always there. When the light catches them the right way, when that part of my face is free of any powder, when my hair is pulled straight back....I can see it, mostly just because I know it's there. It is a grim reminder but also a very grateful reminder for me. Grim because of what happened more so what could have happened, but grateful because I am grateful to be alive and where I am, and I'm grateful to be as strong as I am.
Friends of mine know I endured a horrible car accident 5 years ago, and new people in my life may or may not know I did, but not everyone knows the details involved. So today I want to share my story for those who don't know. And why? Because seeing my scars today in the mirror inspired it, but also because stories were meant to be shared - both good and bad, and what doesn't kill us only makes us stronger.
My very first recollection of that day was opening my eyes in the ambulance and not being able to move at all. Panic! Oh God, the panic! I couldn't even turn my head to look around me. "Do you know where you are Amanda?" one of the EMT's asked me. " Where am I? What happened?! Am I in the hospital?" They told me I was in a car accident and they were bringing me to the hospital. Now because I couldn't feel a thing or move, I thought I was paralyzed and so I asked if I was. All they could tell me was that they didn't know yet and that we will have to wait until we get to the hospital.
Fading in and out of consciousness, and the taste of blood in my mouth, I was scared honestly. Really scared. I awoke to being in an awful all white hospital room surrounded by 3 doctors discussing getting an immediate CAT scan. I was pumped with all kinds of drugs and hooked up to an IV so my memory of everything and my story is missing pieces as I faded in and out. I remember hearing them talk about this man named Clayton. "He was so worried about her he just called the ER" said one nurse to the other. ' Who the hell is Clayton?' I though to myself. It went black again. I opened my eyes this time to a nurse by my side with a small cold aluminum tray and a matching bowl. Next to it was a washcloth and long tweezers. She proceeded to to take this wet washcloth and wipe it across my face, dragging it over every single little tiny glass shard that was lodged in my face, trying to clean me up. It hurt so bad but because I was so doped up I couldn't even find the words to tell her to stop and that it was so painful. She just kept dragging this cloth across my face pulling every piece of glass even more through my skin.....and there was glass everywhere on the right side of my face. I then remember her picking up tweezers and starting to pull out each individual piece of glass, one at a time. I would hear it drop into the aluminum bowl and then back to tweezing, pull and drop, pull and drop. My face was on fire. I then started to tear up because I suddenly realized no one was there, no family, no friends, no boyfriend. I asked the nurse where my boyfriend was and if he knew. She said everyone was contacted but she didn't know when they would be here. I closed my eyes again, full of tears and went to sleep. I awake to see a familiar face, my love, Chris (my boyfriend at that time). Some immediate comfort. I asked him if he knew the extent and he didn't. Now whether or not he was just saying that to avoid me panicking more I'm not sure, but looking back I appreciate that if it was the case. I remember my lips feeling really dry and while laying there I asked him if I could have some of his Chapstick, if he could put it on for me. He had this regretful face and said "Babe, I don't think you need Chapstick right now" , and I reply " Yes I do, my lips are so dry and they hurt" . He holds my hand and says to me " Babe, I can't. Your lips are absolutely full of glass and blood" . My eyes widened, I reached up to touch my lips and I remember them feeling just like a low grit sandpaper but really sharp. When I pulled my hand back and looked at my fingers, they were sparkling with glass shards. At this point I immediately started to softly sob. All I wanted was to just go home and feel better. Eventually my family showed up, and another friend/ room mate that lived with Chris and I. Only memories of looking at them all around my bed, and them fading in and out. The doctor then came in and explained what happened to me. He had told me I had left work, and within two blocks of my work, upon going through an intersection, a man in a van had ran a red light doing 70km/hr and 't-boned' my car from my passenger side. My head had smashed through the glass at the top right hand corner of my windshield. My hip had broke my gear shift and I suffered a bad concussion. They didn't find any broken bones but told me the soft tissue damage was at an extreme level and to take all necessary time off work, get to physiotherapy, massage, and the doctors on a weekly basis until I can recover. I also was to attend a group for people who have suffered bad concussions and to see a neuropsychologist in time to test all cognitive levels. They gave me a name and number of a man named Clayton before I left. They said that this man was at the scene of the accident and had managed to force his way into my car to help me when I was unconscious. He had apparently witnessed the entire accident as he was walking outside to his parked car that was right near the scene. He held my head up and tried talking to me until the ambulance came. He had called the hospital, and left his name and number with them to have me call him as soon as I was better to let him know I was okay because he was apparently really worried about me and worried that no family or friends had shown up, and that he couldn't get a hold of anyone from my cell phone directory he had found in the car while tending to me (I eventually did end up calling him to thank him so much for being there to help me, and took him and his wife out for breakfast months later as a further thank you and also to see if by seeing his actual face, if it would trigger any memory or recollection of the incident. It didn't. I didn't remember his face at all even though he got my eyes open and had tried talking to me). 
Upon getting home, I couldn't support my own head for 2 weeks, I couldn't shower/bathe without help for over a week, I couldn't actually pull myself out of bed for 2 weeks. Literally. My boyfriend would have to help me get up before he left for work in the morning otherwise I wouldn't be able to get up. He also would have to wake up in the middle of the night every night to help me sit up to take my 3 different pain meds I was on.  For an entire month we had to change and wash the sheets every single day because after i slept in them, they would be sparkly from the tiny glass fragments working their way out of my body. We had dark sheets so it showed up like a star-lit sky. Again, more emotional tears came when after the 2nd day he told me he was sorry but he couldn't sleep with me in the same bed because of all the glass that kept coming out of my skin. Now if being in pain from this whole thing wasn't already enough, try having your one comfort, your love, tell you they can't even be next to you when you sleep. It sucked, let me tell you, I wanted nothing more than to be held and comforted, to make the pain go away, but sadly, nope. Anyways I was off work for 3 months, I got all types of treatment for over a year. The pain in my neck was slightly decreasing, and the range of motion in my head/neck had improved but it was at this plateau and would not go any further. Limited neck motions make things really difficult, and headache frequency was becoming something as normal as brushing my teeth!
Fast forward a couple years and I started working as a Registered Massage Therapist at a chiropractic clinic. Working there I decided to try out chiro for the first time. Upon explaining my last injury, the doctors explained to me that they would be able to help me and bring my neck back to 100%. Oh so hopeful I was when I heard this news! The fact that there was a possibility this pain would be gone and I'd have normal neck movement back excited me beyond belief. As months went by with chiro treatment they all became puzzled as to why I wasn't getting any better. They sent me for x-rays again as the last ones I had done was that day at the hospital. When they got the results back they pulled me into the office to show me what they saw. They saw two things ; the dens (which is the odontoid process of C2 or the 2nd cervical vertebrae) was fractured and instead of being straight up vertically which is how it's supposed to be, it was to the right like a little right hook none spur) . The second thing they saw was the right side of my 1st and 2nd cervical vertebrae were degenerating (arthritis) and trying to fuse together. Now I can sit here and explain more details anatomically but I don't want to get off track too much. Basically what this means is over time, the two vertebrae that are breaking down and trying to fuse, will only worsen and range of motion will decrease. Also, with that right hook 'dens' bone not bring straight up, it's very close to my brain stem now, and the doctors explained a few things with that. They told me that first of all I am an extremely lucky girl and lucky to be alive because when that bone fractured, it was almost completely broken off BUT because of the fact I couldn't move my neck, it somehow helped stabilize it and it healed (to the right but it still healed nevertheless). It's unfortunate the hospital neglected to pick that up in the X-Ray but they explained how if I had gone to a chiropractic clinic to have my neck adjusted soon after my accident, it would have killed me or I would have basically become a vegetable because of how close that piece was to my brain stem, and because it would have completely snapped off! Another thing they mentioned is that I cannot get into another bad car accident again involving any type of severe whiplash because although that bone is stabilized, it's not positioned right and it is very fragile and would likely break upon impact and potentially kill me. Not that an accident is anything that one can 100% prevent or anything but I guess that's good to know.
And now? How am I doing now? What's life like for me right now and how am I managing?
Well, I make sure that I try to do my very best at taking care of myself, properly stretching, massaging, recognizing when I'm in too much pain and to know when to stop or take care of it. I also do lots of strengthening for my upper back and neck because I want that beast stronger that ever and absolutely bulletproof! The way I see it, it must have already been strong enough to sustain that kind of injury without something even worse happening, so as my duty I will continue to take care of it and keep it as strong as I can for the years ahead of me. I don't want it stopping me or slowing me down too much from anything so this is what I'll have to keep doing. The range of motion is okay some days, worse on other days. The pain is constant, but something I've just become accustomed to ( as bad as that sounds, I know)  but some days the pain is pretty minimal, and then of course there are bad days. I just know that I have to keep fighting it, that's all! And when I see those faint scars on my forehead, around my eye, and that little piece of my right eyebrow that never really grows back like how it used to be, it will be a painful but sweet memory of just how strong and resilient one can be if they just hang in there, hold their chin up and wear their battle wounds with pride, whether that be physically or emotionally. We all have injuries we sustain in life ; break-ups, deaths, emotional losses, physical wounds and illnesses. But if we can figure out a way to try take those merit badges we've earned and wear them with pride knowing that we can overcome anything we're faced with if we try really really hard, then really....what can't we handle, right? Have your moments and times of sadness and pain, regret and fear, but at the end of the day know and believe that you're a warrior!

"The world breaks everyone and afterward many are strong at the broken places. But those that will not break it kills. It kills the very good and the very gentle and the very brave impartially. If you are none of these you can be sure it will kill you too but there will be no special hurry."

-Ernest Hemmingway